Mission: Extract paper bag without waking baby
Strategy: Snatch and grab with great stealth
Risk: Waking up ravenous honey badger
Maddie just finished up a monster-sized lunch with her friends in Central Jersey. Before leaving the restaurant, Maddie’s father was tasked with bringing home lunch to the baby’s mother. As Dad packed the car, he put the salad on the floor so Maddie could not extract the contents while sitting in her baby seat.
At first, this seemed like a solid strategy. This way the salad would not be forgotten when it was time to extract Maddie. What Dad did not take into account was what would happen if Maddie fell asleep. But sure enough, just 15 minutes from home, the baby was down for the count. We know all too well that if you wake the baby from her nap, she won’t give you a second chance to put her down for several hours.
I scan the review mirror and see the sleeping form of my little angel and realize that we have a long dark mission in front of us and someone is bound to get dirty. I place a stealth call to Maddie’s mother to warn her of our potential disaster. Mom makes her way downstairs just as I pull up with Maddie.
The paper bag holding the salad might as well be an M-80 quarter stick of dynamite. Maddie is never able to sleep through that wicked crinkling noise a paper bag makes. Maddie parents begin exchanging intricate hand signals trying to determine the best way to deliver lunch without waking the beast.
Gina made the “roll down the window” motion to see if she could reach the salad behind the passenger seat. As soon as the window crept down, some guy with a nail gun started firing away across the street. Maddie opened her eyes as Gina commando rolled onto the sidewalk and out of sight. By the time Gina hit the deck, the window was already rolled back up and somehow the baby had fallen back asleep.
We followed the same procedure for attempt #2. This time mom started gently lifting the bag, but was blocked by a child’s toy that would surely wake Maddie up. Maddie stirred and her mom froze in place – but this time the baby did not open her eyes. Mom delicately maneuvered the salad out of the vehicle as we simultaneously pulled into the flow of traffic. The baby was still asleep, mom had her salad and our mission was accomplished!! –