Anger Management

Maddie Turns Photo Shoot into Jail Break

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I won’t sit in it, but I would be happy to move it for you.

Maddie conjured up her inner-Honey Badger for her first formal holiday shoot. The baby was on the run from start to finish and was quoted as saying, “No prison can hold me!”

 

It’s ironic that Maddie kept trying to run into other family’s photo shoots, but had absolutely no interest in sitting still for her own.

 

Her protests were loud, her fuse was short and attitude was just south of plum loco!

 

The photographer was patient even though Maddie continuously made a break for the exit at the beginning of every shot. To be fair, the studio was about 40 minutes late in taking our pictures and this directly encroached into Maddie’s naptime.

 

When all was said and done, Maddie had some very cute shots. That’s a miracle considering the honey badger spent her afternoon, running, ducking, thrashing and spinning.

 

We’ve already contacted National Geographic and the next time we decide to take pictures, they will send out a wildlife photographer who has experience with dangerous jungle savages like the Mad Madster.

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Maddie Battling the Night Crazies and Time Change Blues

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But I’m just a little angel!

Since being driven out by the hurricane, this is about the longest stint Maddie has had away from home. She is in good spirits, but is definitely falling victim to the night crazies.

Maddie has also come up with a new move for her grandfather – it’s called the HULK! Her eyes bug out, she makes two fists and strains like she’s turning into the Hulk.

This is great entertainment for all who witness the transformation.

Maddie is also taking time to rub food in her hair and fire her sippy cup across the room like a missile during dinner. We have tried reasoning with her and disciplining her, but when the mood hits – there’s no swaying her from course of craziness.

Of course Maddie manages to be sweet even during her most ridiculous outbursts, but it’s important to record this behavior so we can share it with Maddie when she is a little older.

My father tends to exaggerate.

Rough Day of Teething Leads to Shopping Therapy

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Does this hat come in suede?

Maddie was up at the crack of dawn to take care of her morning schedule that was packed with stair climbing exhibitions and multiple steps around the house. She was definitely very crusty and even her morning walk could not break her out of the funk.

Surely a little breakfast would help her turn the corner. Nope, not happening. Maddie was extra-crispy with two sides of attitude and had no interest in eating. We wondered if those baby molars were ready to make a push.

We got to lunch with the grandparents with the hope that Maddie could keep herself together during the meal. That apparently was wishful thinking. Maddie started crying as soon as we sat down and wasn’t interested in being comforted by either parent. This is also when we realized that Maddie’s back teeth were knocking at her gums.

The restaurant staff and patrons seemed quite relieved when we began packing up our gear to roll. Once we were in the car, it didn’t take Maddie long to pass out. Once she was asleep, it was time for a stealth mission to Target. The only problem was that Maddie was awake as soon as we pulled up.

We popped her in a cart and she was ready to roll. She had a great deal to say to her fellow shoppers, but at least the crying had stalled. We hit the baby wagon wheel snacks first and Maddie was happy to partake.

We made the rounds and somehow, some way – the baby was at peace. The shopping trip must have been just what the doctor ordered because Maddie spent the rest of the evening laughing and playing with her parents without a care in the world. We are delighted that this put Maddie in a great mood, we just have no idea why it worked.

Baby Suffers From Flip Phone Angst

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You have exactly THREE seconds to open this phone!

Even though Maddie is just a few days short of her first birthday, there are already a few characteristics that have really taken root. One of those traits is a complete lack of patience when it comes to unraveling how things work. Today’s flip phone temper tantrum seriously left her father shaking his head.

For weeks now, dad has foolishly let Maddie mess with his flip phone. Flip phones are relatively tough and if they stay closed, the baby doesn’t accidentally get into a long drawn out conversation with “Peggy” in the Ukraine.

The trouble began this afternoon when Maddie spied the open flip phone laying on the couch. I snapped the phone shut before the little NASCAR princess could close in on her conquest. This has never been an issue before, but today was obviously a different story.

Maddie snagged the phone and immediately went hard to work on the task of prying open the phone. No big deal, she would either snap it open or she wouldn’t. I was hoping to keep it closed for another couple weeks, but if she opened it, so be it.

For three steady minutes, Maddie studied the mobile device from every angle. She combed the phone buttons and releases. She even whapped it on the ground a few times, but the magic communication shell would not yield its secrets. Suddenly Maddie popped on to her feet, stuck the phone in my face and started screaming.

I calculated that this outburst would last for about 2-3 minutes and fizzle out due to lack of interest. I was far from correct. This went on and on and broke down into a Mexican standoff. I was not opening the phone and Maddie was flabbergasted that I was not following orders.

The fact of the matter is that the next 15 minutes became a contest of wills. Would I let the baby ravage the phone or would I listen to her forlorn cries of desperation? In the end, the baby finally yielded – but not before she burst my eardrums and exhibited a temper tantrum that would make Mt. Vesuvius green with envy. It becomes a little more apparent each day that I’m in serious trouble.

Baby Stages Topless Dinner Protest

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Things are heating up now!

Maddie’s short fuse grew a little shorter tonight when she demanded an immediate release from her high chair. Dinner hadn’t been over for more than a minute when a squeal erupted from my precocious soon to be one-year-old daughter.

Maddie’s parents were shocked to see that the baby was trying to tear off her shirt as a show of civil disobedience. Once she discovered she couldn’t free herself from the chair, she knew she had to do something radical. Moments later, the topless protest was on.

However, pulling her shirt all the way off was not as easy as Maddie had anticipated. She succeeded in getting the shirt over her head, but was not able to free her arms.

My shoulders feel really tight this evening.

All three of us found this predicament especially entertaining. Maddie started laughing her head off. We couldn’t tell if the baby was stunned by her own ridiculousness or entertained by the fact that her parents were cracking up. We freed Maddie from the chair and fixed her shirt before she was off on her next adventure in the kitchen.

Along with Cabinet Opening 101, Maddie is taking graduate level courses in “Pulling over Trashcans” and “Opening the refrigerator and resting her arms on the bottom shelf. She’s already looking at next month’s syllabus that includes a course on Parental Coercion and Terror.

Baby Stuns Brunch Crowd into Complete Silence

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I suppose we’re all paying attention now

My 11-month-old daughter Maddie has been in the process of finding new and creative ways to express herself. If you periodically read about the baby or if you have met her, it’s quite obvious that she does not like to be ignored. When you combine these two elements together, you have a potentially explosive situation on you hands.

This afternoon at brunch, Maddie had quite an adoring crowd surrounding her. Parents, grandparents and even Aunt Joni and Uncle Tim were showing Maddie the love. The restaurant was packed and Maddie was in high spirits.

At some point in the next ten minutes, the adults must have become involved in a conversation where Maddie’s opinion was not being sought at the time. We were sitting there chatting when a high-pitched screech split the air. Every single head in the restaurant swung in our direction.

This is not an exaggeration. Every person in that place was momentarily stunned into silence by the sheer volume and intensity of Maddie’s eruption. Some people were confused, some irritated and others just amused that a baby could stun such a large group of people into submission like that. The lull of silence lasted almost an entire two seconds before everyone resumed his or her previous activities.

As for our table, nobody really knew what to say. We exchanged some nervous glances and went on with our meal. Maddie’s parents are all too familiar with this type of outburst. However, it was fascinating to see the stinging reactions it produces in public. It appears that Maddie is not quite polished enough for the outside world, but we will keep trying.

Road Warrior Running on Empty

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I need a day off bro!

Maddie obviously has a little too much on her plate right now.

Her mom is on the road – New teeth are breaking through – And she’s racking up the miles. Factor these things together and Maddie is running on a short fuse.

She’s actually dealing with the stress quite well. Most of the issues are once again surfacing during the clothing and diaper changes. It seems like every time we have to change one or the other, Maddie is fighting mad.

She actually screams as if she is being interrogated underneath a long-forgotten Gulag. When other people hear these crazed protests, they worry that the baby must have fallen off of the changing table.

It doesn’t last long – once the change is completed, the baby is all butterscotch and ponies again. We have theorized before that it is always better not to mess with Maddie, but she can’t wear the same clothes all the time.

So, the question is, how do we alter Maddie’s perception that changing her clothes somehow violates her life, liberty and pursuit of happiness? There must be a way to distract her, but so far nothing seems to work.

We’ve gone through this stage before, but her protests have never been so over-the-top as they are now. As always, all suggestions are welcome!