Pink Power Stuns Danica Patrick
Danica Patrick was not hurt after crashing her number ten car during today’s Daytona qualifier run. As the newest member of Tony Stewart’s team, Danica has a great deal to think about as she makes her transition to the NASCAR circuit. Well today she got one more item to add to her list of headaches.
Patrick will now have to deal with another rough and tumble female at this week’s Daytona 500. The Mad Madster threw her hat into the ring and will be ripping around the track in her 300 horsepower pink fire-eater pictured above. Maddie says the team has her car ready to go. She says the newly installed spinning pinwheels have added a level a stability no one thought possible.
For now, NASCAR is satisfied that Maddie’s pink monster meets all the specs. Inspectors were concerned about the low cut windscreen, but at 24 inches high, any debris will likely fly right over her car
Maddie is a fearless competitor who’s never been afraid to trade a little paint. Her warrior-like headband is sure to put the fear of God into anybody behind the wheel at this weekend’s race classic.
Maddie even took a test run around the bedroom this morning. No official speed has been recorded due to the fact that we couldn’t stop the baby from practicing her victory donuts in the hallway.
Despite her racing prowess, she comes into this weekend’s race as the underdog. Recent teething issues have taken a bite out of her normal practice schedule, but she insists that she is chomping at the bit to the win the whole dang thing.
Tony Stewart, who has Danica on his team, did a little trash talking before today’s practice run calling Maddie a “little pink princess.” Maddie responded by saying that if she and little Anthony have a run in on the track, he’s gonna need all the spare parts that Home Depot can deliver because he’s going into the wall.
As for Danica, she had nothing but praise for the youngest driver ever to hit the circuit. She says that expanding racing to children under 7-months-old is a bold step and good for the sport. She looks forward to what she calls the Maddie challenge despite the fact that Danica will be in a backup car after today’s unfortunate wreck.
Toy Bear Breaks Down Sleep Barriers for the Baby
Many of the sleep issues we have struggled with in the past month have been severely agitated by the development of Maddie’s hand-eye coordination and her subsequent struggles with the pacifier. Once the baby learned that you could grab what you see – the pacifier became a real sleep liability.
Since Maddie has initiated the practice of taking the pacifier in and out of her mouth, it’s gone from a useful tool to a toy. (NOT GOOD) She is most proficient at taking the blasted thing out of her mouth, but putting it in properly is still a work in progress. Now when she sticks the pacifier into her mouth backwards or at the wrong angle, her mood breaks down in a big hurry.
If this sounds like it’s not a big deal, think again. These poor pacifier practices rob the family of approximately 6 hours of sleep per WEEK!!
Just when all hope seemed lost and we were ready to concede defeat, a nameless hero appeared from the ashes. It was a bear, no more than 18 inches long with a smart bow affixed to his collar. He doesn’t speak much, but he offered his paw in friendship to Maddie.
Maddie was reluctant at first, but quickly realized that this bear was someone who was also looking for a friend to comfort. Suddenly, the nasty pacifier lost its hypnotic hold over the baby. She was free to spit it out and take out any sleep-deprived frustrations on the bear with no name.
I don’t know how long this bear will be in Maddie’s good graces, but I hope he’s in for the long haul. I’ve offered him a 10-month contract with bonus potential for each additional hour of sleep we get each week. His agent has assured that we are good to go, now it’s all up to Maddie.
Empty Water Bottle Tops Baby’s Favorite Toy List
We aren’t really the type of parents that pack the house full of toys for our six-month-old daughter Maddie. However, we did go on a little shopping trip this weekend looking for toys that would hold Maddie’s interest and maybe even help her sit up.
Besides Maddie’s tummy time mats, we have the bouncy chair with a full compliment of flashing lights, exotic birds and monkeys. We have a juicy little car dashboard that sports some over-exuberant domesticated animals. It also has a full compliment of sounds including a revving engine, a car horn that speaks Spanish and a gearshift that lets you fry the transmission by screeching your tires.
We even have a “Wonders of the Sea” boom box called the Tote-a-Tune Fishbowl! What’s not to love about this bad boy with its light-up bubbles, dirty little invertebrates, clicking clownfish and ten show-stopping tunes?
My personal favorite is our Mozart Cube that plays a variety of tunes, but you get to choose the instruments. Maddie is just fine with that one. Heck, to one degree or another, she likes them all.
But only one of them really does the trick for her. It’s actually pretty high on her Dad’s list as well. It’s the old washed up and empty water bottle. For anyone who has ever crunched a water bottle, you know what a satisfying crinkling and crunching noise it produces.
The very first time I crunched one in front of Maddie, she was hooked. Forget the fishbowl and let the monkeys wait, crushing and re-crushing a water bottle is an interesting process that you really have to take your time with.
Like Will Ferrell said in the movie Stepbrothers, “SO MANY ACTIVITIES!”
You can whack the counter with the empty bottle, fire it off the kitchen counter and even hit yourself in the headband with it. Just yesterday, Maddie helped me with the dishes by smacking a cup right into the sink with it. (GOAL!)
And the fun doesn’t stop there, the bottle makes a terrific snack, is great for teething and can even be used to inflict blunt force trauma against her father. It’s been almost two months now and the bottle is still Maddie’s top banana!
Some baby’s get hooked on blankets and cute little stuffed toys, but Maddie never stops thinking about the environment. She is cleaning up the planet by keeping plastic bottles out of the landfills and littered around our kitchen instead. Way to go Maddie!
Where Do They Get Those Wonderful Toys?
Maddie’s magical headband continues to provide trials and tribulations for the entire family. Our most recent trip to the cranium tech came with a little added parental spice. Since the start of this process, we had insisted that the band was not fitting the baby’s head properly.
This was proven true the very first day when Maddie developed a nasty welt on her left cheekbone. In fairness, I suppose that a parent should have a pretty good idea of how well something fits on their baby from the start.
After a quick examination and acknowledgement of the obvious welt issue, the tech agreed that the band needed a little bit of work to fit better. Maddie was the model of decorum through the entire examination process.
So the headband got a little bit off the top and it was time to head home for the evening meltdown. I have to hand it to the cranium techs, they are true experts at keeping the baby entertained while they mess with head and neck. They accomplish this feat with an amazing arsenal of noise making toys.
Every time we are in the office, I’m reminded of the Batman movie in the late 80’s. Jack Nicholson, who plays the Joker, has just been befuddled by one of Batman’s space age gizmos and exclaims, “Where Does He Get All Those Wonderful Toys?”
I know he didn’t get them from Amazon, but I’m pretty sure we will be able to replicate some of those at home. If Maddie doesn’t enjoy them, I’m sure I will!
Baby’s New Need for Stimulation – Almost Un-BEARABLE
The latest developments in Maddie’s personality seem to have caught her parents off guard like a good smack in the chops. The baby has suddenly decided that during waking hours, she requires either constant attention or constant motion.
Some of her toys have lost their luster and so far, it’s up to Mom and Poppa to fill the void. This is actually great fun except for the fact that Maddie’s restlessness is now completely off the charts.
However, our one-on-one conservations have taken on a powerful new flavor. For two days in a row now, Maddie sits on my chest and really tells me what’s on her mind. She speaks so loudly and with so much emphasis that I really can’t get a word in edgewise. Seriously! I start speaking to Maddie and she belts out a long unintelligible stream of baby conversation. So now the question becomes:
- Is she answering to me?
- Mirroring me back?
- Trying to drown me out?
Based on our recent interaction, I honestly think she is trying to drown me out, which actually delights me to no end. It is loud and persistent and almost as obnoxious as I often choose to be.
She is also becoming more and more addicted to the Baby Bjorn. Much to her delight, we took another long walk today where the only way I can see what she’s up to is by stopping at parked cars and evaluating her reflection in the glass. What’s very entertaining is despite the fact that the thing looks pretty uncomfortable, after about 10 minutes of walking, Maddie completely conks out, dead asleep.
When I walked into the house with Maddie, her mother was very concerned seeing the limp baby in the Baby Bjorn – “Is she ok.”
I assured her that Maddie was just catching a few winks. But I can understand the initial shock of it all. Imagine being strapped to another human being, who is holding your hands out to the side for added warmth and you are sleeping peacefully without a care in the world?
It’s hard to discern whether or not this is just a passing phase or something that will go on for some time to come – but you can always count on one thing with Maddie – It’s never boring!