Baby Teaching Her Father to Fetch
Maddie went a little bit overboard on her pacifier-tossing mission during this morning’s walk. At this point, I’m worried that her first words will be, “Fetch, boy!”
Her first herculean toss was executed just as we were walking out of our beloved Starbucks. I leaned down to hand Maddie a piece of bagel. She snatched the passy out of her mouth and clutched it in her right paw. It was fine with me if she wanted to hold onto it.
We were all the way to the corner before I realized that her pacifier was MIA. I swung a quick u-turn and began the morning hunt. I was amazed when I spotted the infernal device more than twenty feet away from anyplace where we had walked.
Did a dog move it? Did it levitate? Did some angry businessperson give it a good kick? I guess we will never know. We went back into Starbucks, gave the pacifier a good cleaning and were on our way.
The pint size comedian still had a few more tricks up her sleeve, but for now she was playing it cool. About 45 minutes later, Maddie began petitioning me for another shot at her pacifier. We were headed up the train platform as I handed it over to Maddie.
She sucked the pacifier for about ten seconds before transferring it to her hand and firing it onto the train tracks and of course there was a train coming. Somehow we made it home in one piece with the pacifier safely in my pocket. Let’s face it, Maddie is more than a little bit crafty!!
Baby Unleashes Spider Powers at Starbucks
As you can see from the picture, Spider Girl has been unmasked. Maddie understands that with great power comes great responsibility. Lately, her crime fighting exploits have been taking a toll on her parent’s sleep and her father’s cognitive skills.
This became all too apparent after a family walk to the local Starbucks.
As we were leaving the house, before closing the door behind me, I gave myself the usual pat down. This is the process of patting your pockets to make sure you have the two essentials with you, your wallet and your keys. Satisfied that I had everything I needed, we went on our merry way.
We walked into Starbucks and Maddie got her usual star-studded VIP welcome. They don’t know about her super powers but they are still a big fan of my little girl.
I ordered coffee and reached into my pocket for the wallet. Imagine my surprise when instead of my wallet, I discovered the baby monitor. Whoops – the baby monitor is very similar in shape and size to the wallet, but one major difference is that it doesn’t hold any money.
I told the barista to stop my order unless she would let me trade the baby monitor for my coffee. She very pleasantly told me that not only could I hold onto the baby monitor, but I could still have my coffee as well. She smiled and said, “Don’t worry Mr. Mom, we’ll take care of it!”
This is just one of many reasons why Starbucks is one of my favorite places. Not only does Maddie have a huge fan base there, but also the people who work there have a great attitude and always provide superior customer service.
Maddie’s Stroller Takes Down Helpful Neighbor
Someone should be selling tickets to see this!
It was a contest of epic proportions – man versus stroller in a winner take all grudge match. I tasked my neighbor to bring in Maddie’s stroller and the sparks began to fly. Foul words were spoken as the tempestuous contraption put the screws to my friend who was only trying to help. It seems no good deed goes unpunished in Jersey City.
It all began with Maddie’s typical outdoor time. The weather was noticeably colder so we grabbed an extra blanket to go along with that fresh Jersey air. We hit the local Starbucks in a flash and were already headed home when I saw that Madeleine had fallen sound asleep in her stroller. This is despite the fact that she had only been awake less than 90 minutes.
As I got closer to home, the quandary loomed larger than the Statue of Liberty. How would I get the sleeping baby up to her crib and secure the stroller at the same time. You can’t leave anything outside in Jersey City and expect it be there when you get back. I decided on an unorthodox approach and called my neighbor for backup. I asked him to round up the stroller for me while I ran Maddie upstairs into the house. She could keep sleeping and the stroller would not end up in some back room pawnshop traded in for crack money.
I showed my neighbor the pull cord that allows the stroller to go flat and headed upstairs with sleeping beauty. I laid the sleeping angel in the crib and quick-stepped it downstairs to see how my neighbor was faring with the stroller. What I saw next was priceless. The image of a grown man literally wrestling with the baby buggy will be seared into my memory for months to come.
If the stroller was a deadly python, it was surely getting the best of my poor desperate friend. I watched for a moment as pushed it, prodded and maybe even took a swing at it. He even lifted it off the ground in a WWE move that I thought would signal the end of my baby’s ride.
Finally, I had to put an end to this conflict before someone got really hurt. I thanked him for his efforts as I corralled the man-eating stroller. He said WAIT, I want to see how you do this! I pulled the cord (printed with the word PULL) and the stroller obediently snapped into a flat and easy to carry package.
The afternoon was a success, Maddie got the nap she so desperately needed and I was witness to a performance for the ages.
Maddie Stupefied by Jersey Shore Divas
Our daily walk to Starbucks got sidetracked this afternoon by characters from some travesty of a television show called Jersey Shore. Snoopy and BowWow or some such nonsensical people have moved into our neighborhood and are already causing traffic headaches for cars and pedestrians alike.
Maddie and her dad had been running errands all day and our reward was to stop in and see her barista friends at Starbucks. We were hurrying along and not really paying attention to our surroundings when we ran into some police and camera crews. We marched around them but got caught up in a dead end of bicycle barricades with a growing crowd behind them.
Uh oh – Maddie gave me the look that said, “What’s the hold up, Stay Home PaPa?”
It dawned on me that this gathering must be for the Jersey Shore people who have now invaded Jersey City. Maddie gave the female police officer a wink and I shared one of my favorite movie quotes from the movie the Blues Brothers: “Use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of the Jersey Shore cast members has been approved.”
The officer got a real kick out of that one as her radio chirped that more officers were on the way.
Due the lateness of the hour and growing fervor around the arrival of the soon-to-be-intoxicated Jersey Shore wingdings, we decided to skip the coffee and head home for some corn, sweet potatoes and apples mix.
It’s amazing to me that even though we don’t let Maddie watch television, she’s already been exposed to the high-class quality programming that reality television has to offer. Maybe tomorrow we will pop into New York City and see if we can hang with some skanky Bravo Housewives.
Maddie Gains Starbucks Notoriety
Since Maddie was born six months ago, I have had more than my share of caffeinated beverages – but I really didn’t think I was drinking too much coffee. That foolish notion was shot down this afternoon when we walked in to the local Starbucks.
We were barley three steps through the door when heard a chorus of baristas greeting the baby – “Hellooo Madeleine!”
As we made our way to the counter, I could feel the eyes on Maddie as she basked in the glow of all the attention. She batted her eyes at each person behind the counter and they went nuts. “Oh she smiled at me!” “Ohh, she’s looking at me!”
You would have thought that Justin Bieber had just walked in and ordered a Shirley Temple Latte. I stood at the counter with Maddie strapped into the Bjorn as they peppered her with questions and compliments: “What did you do today Madeleine? Are you in a good mood? I love her smile. I want a baby!”
Hey now, keep it clean kids! Maddie’s dad was more than delighted to watch his baby girl’s impromptu press conference. At one point, they even managed to take his coffee order.
Things became even more entertaining when one the employees who had just come on got the word that Maddie was in the store. You could hear the whisper, “Look down there, Madeleine is here!”
By this time, Maddie had her bottom lip out and was done with all the adulation. This did not help to quiet the crowd, quite the opposite really.
“Oh look, she’s pouting – how cute is she?” They have still yet to hear one of the baby’s more potent temper tantrums. Maddie seemed especially annoyed that her fans were just as captivated by her frowns as they were by her smiles. Hey kid, fame is a fickle beast!