Birthing Process

I Can Still Fit Daddy!

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This is still my seat you know!
I don’t feel comfortable sharing my seat with baby sister!

Maddie Makes Stunning Debut

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Welcome Madeleine – We’ve been expecting you!

16:50

Weighing in at 7 pounds, 14 ounces and 20 inches long, the little girl made her smashing debut on the banks of the Hudson River. Gina was brave beyond measure and I am in awe of her.

No Please – Take Your Sweet Time!

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0840
Water broken, but our little princess is surely taking her time. Contractions firing on all cylinders. Cue Ridin’ by Chamillionaire  because Mom needs a little perscription. Dang, I done spilled my drink!

0900
Pregnant Women are Strong – Here Honey squeeze my hand – Whoops – crush injury – Reconstructive hand surgery scheduled for shortly after we deliver the baby. Staff says I may lose the arm from elbow down. Damn this war!

0940
Cue Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd – Time for the Epidural –  ahhhhh, that’s what I’m talking about – even better than box wine!

1010
Cue Danger Zone, Top Gun theme – Gina dons oxygen mask looking like Tom Cruise (I will not leave my wingman) and requests that the baby buzz the tower – STILL no joy – but the mask makes a true fashion statement.

1115
Secret Weapon
Gina is 10 cm now – starting to get restless until I pull out the US weekly – please everyone, pray for my girl Jay-Lo!

1145
Not going anywhere for a while…  Using Almond Joys to bait the child out of hiding

1335
Gina asked what the market was doing. I told her it was getting creamed. Then she asked me what sectors were under-performing.  Ummmmmmm?

Discomfort Stocks Soar Amid Speculation of Infant Siting

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00:43
Gina sleeping as I undertake stealthy bed making maneuvers. Slight miscalculation leads to loud crash. Pregnant wife not overly entertained.

00:58
IV knocked loose – blood and fluid oozing onto the bed.
More proof that child birth is good clean fun!

01:26
Evil vending machine holding Mounds bar hostage – rescue operations under consideration.

02:00
And we are walking the halls.
Still no joy in Mudville!

07:48
Doc breaks water during contraction – Things are heating up!!

We Check In – Will Munchkin Chicken Out?

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20:13
Upon arriving at the hospital, the doctor asks us, “So why are you guys here?” Nothing like a sense of humor!

21:00
I try Chopin’s Nocturn in F-Sharp to induce labor.

21:28
We switch to Beethoven.
Gina is pacing back and forth.
I’m bouncing a tennis ball to hit an imaginary serve when Gina proclaims: “Look at us! Type-A people should not be allowed to pro-create!”

23:00 Rap Inspiration:
Classical music not inducing labor. Switch to Ice Cube, “You can do it, put your back into it!”

0010
She decided that the 28th just wasn’t good enough!