Bubble Guppies

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Bare feet in March? PRICELESS
Bare feet in March? PRICELESS

Pool Offers No Refuge When Baby Attacks

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Thanks, I’ll take that

The baby attacks have been coming at a torrid pace. Once Maddie hits the ground running, there is no safe haven. She attacks without warning and none of your possessions are safe.

Hats and glasses are obviously a big draw. Lately Maddie has been exploring the field of dentistry by trying to pull out my bottom teeth. Today at the pool, it appeared as if the baby had called a truce.

Maddie took turns letting each parent shuttle her around the pool. She had her legs up, some nice warm water and a pacifier to play with. She snatched the sunglasses off of my face a few times, but all and all, we were seeing a new Maddie. This was a kinder and gentler Maddie who was willing to hang out with the parents and pass the day away.

However, once we lifted the baby out of the water – all bets were off. Maddie’s mom took a little break on her stomach trying to dry off before the walk home. This sent our little junkyard dog over the edge. She started lunging at her mom’s hat trying to claim it for herself. I tried to hold her back, but she threw me into the fence and jumped her mom.

Rescue crews moved with the jaws-of-life to try and pry the hat from the baby, but it was a no-go, the hat now belonged to her. When the police came, the baby told them that she had found the hat by the side of the pool and had mistakenly thought it was hers. Mom tried to contradict the story, but a stern look from Maddie shut her down.

No one knows what finally happened to the hat, but Maddie assured her parents that this is only the beginning.

Baby Ignores the Laws of Gravity

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What were you saying about gravity?

Is it possible to teach my 11-month-old daughter Maddie to respect the laws of gravity? At this point, that answer would have to be a resounding NO!

I plopped Maddie onto our bed this afternoon for her first intensive don’t plunge off the side session. At some point, I thought I could help Maddie understand some of the real risks associated with a serious fall.

So it was time to let the games begin. I let go of Maddie and she started motoring for the end of the bed. Surely she wasn’t going go right off the side into the great abyss. But my little rocket scientist never hesitated – she crawled right off the dang bed.

I caught her and made a loud noise at the same time. She looked at me like an idiot – no fear, just annoyed that I halted her progress.

We repeated this process about a half a dozen times and made absolutely no progress whatsoever. I’m beginning to understand that there are some lessons I will not be able to teach my baby.

My wife assures me that once Maddie learns to walk, she’ll get a crash course in Newton’s laws of motion. To tell the truth, that’s exactly what I’m afraid of.