Maddie’s parents thought they had the perfect strategy going into church this morning. Feed the baby a bottle during mass and she would be the model of decorum. We found some space near the front and immediately broke out the bottle.
Maddie obviously thought this was a great idea. She knocked back the bottle with real gusto. Sure she swiveled her head some and broke contact a few times, but all in all she enjoyed a really nice relaxing bottle. (Or so we thought)
One the bottle was finished, Maddie needed a good look around to take in her surroundings. This quickly devolved into a Daddy versus honey badger wrestling contest. The crazy critter was arching her back, trying to dive onto the floor and delivering round house kicks for all she was worth.
Keep in mind this is no big deal and actually par for the course. Maddie always has ants in her pants and this kickboxing workout in her father’s arms was nothing out of the ordinary. As long as she was keeping quiet, there was nothing to worry about.
As the service progressed however, Maddie decided that she had some complaints she wanted to share with the congregation. There were just murmurs at first, but then Maddie was really ready to express herself. She started off with a complex variety a subtle squeaks and chirps that many people in the immediate area found cute and charming.
But you could see people start to wince when the squeaks morphed into sharply placed scream-bursts. Then the baby snared me into her most famous game also known as the bait-and-switch. The game works like this. Every time we get up to leave, she falls instantly silent. She flashes those gorgeous eyes at me and I’m hypnotized. I’m convinced that she is now ready to behave herself and the shenanigans have come to an end. (S-U-C-K-E-R)
After losing a few rounds of bait-and-switch, it was time to call in the big guns and hand her off to Mom. This kept Maddie quiet for all of 30 seconds until she was off to the races yet again. Mom and Maddie made their way to the back of the church. I caught up a moment later to see both Maddie and her mom covered with spit up. Easter services are only a week away and Maddie will have to work hard to top today’s performance.