Self-Cleaning Baby Craze Sweeps the Nation
“Oh no, not again!”
Cue overdramatic parent shaking her head.
Narrator: “Tired of that crazy mess every time you feed your baby solid foods?”
Overdramatic parent: “I sure am!”
Cue the shot of baby food spattered all over the wall and counter.
Narrator: “That mess sure won’t clean itself up!”
Overdramatic parent: “If only there was a way to get it cleaned up fast!”
Narrator: “Well now there is, the Maddie Method is sweeping the nation so you will never have to clean up after feeding time again!
Overdramatic parent: “REALLY, PLEASE TELL ME MORE!”
Forget the Slap Chops – Never mind the ShamWow – Don’t even get me started on the Snuggies! For the first time, not yet available in stores – we have the first self-cleaning baby known simply as Maddie.
Don’t fall for cheap imitations, my daughter Maddie is the original self-cleaning baby. Never be stuck with a mess after feeding time for the baby again.
First, risk life and limb by trying to pry the spoon out of her hand. Then just gently place a folded half of a paper towel into her mouth and she goes to work with a fervor that is actually a bit frightening.
Whatever the baby has been eating, she is more than happy to use as many paper towels as you give her to take care of the mess she made. She scrubs her mouth, her eyes and even those hard to reach places.
Blast away broccoli – Punch out peas – Swat away sweet potatoes.
So how much would pay for a service like this? Don’t answer yet because if you order now, you will also get a slightly used bumbo baby chair with very low mileage and only a few chunks of hardened solid food attached to the surface.
Remember, you get the whacky baby and the tainted chair – so act now before your chance is gone.
Disclaimer, we bear no responsibility for those rare occasions when Maddie decides to massage her toes or hair with the meal of the day.
Stay Home PaPa 
February 16, 2012 at 1:47 am
My children are 3 and 4, but they are apparently not the self-cleaning variety.
Great post!
February 18, 2012 at 10:50 pm
Wish I had known about this great feature! I would have ordered a baby with this! 😉
February 18, 2012 at 10:57 pm
Of course it was one of those accidental discoveries. I was wiping her mouth, she grabbed the paper towel from me and went to work. Now it’s our strange little after feeding ritual. I wish it worked with diapers!