Why Babies and Elephants Don’t Mix

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They don't look particularly evil, but...

When it comes to a baby’s wardrobe – the animal kingdom is well represented. Maddie herself is often adorned with a wide variety of mammals and critters, some affixed to her clothes and other printed on her swaddle blankets.

Being a Leo, Maddie loves her lions, has been known to chew on the chimps and will occasionally barf on her butterflies. She’s not afraid to douse the ducks, they are water fowl after all, with whatever liquid happens to come out and will even pepper the piggies if she sees fit.

But no four, six or eight-legged creature can cause a bigger ruckus than those damn elephants. Sure it sounds ridiculous, but I caution you to strap on the rain gear, the wading boots and the goggles when there are elephants near.

The odds of an elephant triggering carnage every time they are near the baby seem astronomical at first. But if the wind generated by the flutter of a butterfly’s wings can trigger a typhoon – what cosmic cataclysm might be unleashed by the innate evil of elephants?

Here is just a short list of the anarchy that ensues once Maddie comes in contact with the elephants.

  • Leaking diapers
  • Copious spit-ups
  • Shrapnel from the bottom
  • Urine covered parents

Stay Home PaPa is so warped – I actually find myself trying to beat the elephant theory. I will swaddle Maddie in an elephant blanket or put her into an elephant outfit just to prove to myself that is can’t happen again. But then pachyderm’s evil aura triggers a baby body function that leaves one or both parents slogging through the mess du jour.

I refuse to give into superstition or coincidence and get rid of them – but elephants should start looking over those big flapping ears because someday I’ll be looking for a little bit of payback!

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