Why Babies and Elephants Don’t Mix

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They don't look particularly evil, but...

When it comes to a baby’s wardrobe – the animal kingdom is well represented. Maddie herself is often adorned with a wide variety of mammals and critters, some affixed to her clothes and other printed on her swaddle blankets.

Being a Leo, Maddie loves her lions, has been known to chew on the chimps and will occasionally barf on her butterflies. She’s not afraid to douse the ducks, they are water fowl after all, with whatever liquid happens to come out and will even pepper the piggies if she sees fit.

But no four, six or eight-legged creature can cause a bigger ruckus than those damn elephants. Sure it sounds ridiculous, but I caution you to strap on the rain gear, the wading boots and the goggles when there are elephants near.

The odds of an elephant triggering carnage every time they are near the baby seem astronomical at first. But if the wind generated by the flutter of a butterfly’s wings can trigger a typhoon – what cosmic cataclysm might be unleashed by the innate evil of elephants?

Here is just a short list of the anarchy that ensues once Maddie comes in contact with the elephants.

  • Leaking diapers
  • Copious spit-ups
  • Shrapnel from the bottom
  • Urine covered parents

Stay Home PaPa is so warped – I actually find myself trying to beat the elephant theory. I will swaddle Maddie in an elephant blanket or put her into an elephant outfit just to prove to myself that is can’t happen again. But then pachyderm’s evil aura triggers a baby body function that leaves one or both parents slogging through the mess du jour.

I refuse to give into superstition or coincidence and get rid of them – but elephants should start looking over those big flapping ears because someday I’ll be looking for a little bit of payback!

Growth Spurt Done for Now – Cub Needs Extra Sleep

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I can barely keep my eyes open!

After about a ten-day growth spurt – Our little lion cub is warn out. The panicked starvation bug plaguing Maddie has been replaced by a disjointed fatigue.

Little Maddie actually seems quite tired but is going back and forth between perfect sleep and restlessness. The baby turned 8-weeks-old on Friday and celebrated the night before by treating her parents to an all night fiesta.

However, her recent bout of sleepiness has come with something unexpected – one of funniest and cutes noises ever heard by human ears.

Maddie has developed a little snore that sounds more like the soft purr of a little lion cub. It’s a very soothing noise and it’s almost impossible to stay awake when you are within earshot, especially if she’s sleeping on your chest.

Of course this brings to light the question of whether or not lions can actually purr. First, despite the fact that Maddie is a Leo, I am relatively certain she is not actually purring when she makes those grand noises. Second, there seems to be a great deal of confusion and debate on the question about big cats and their ability to purr.

After reading multiple sources, I decided to cop out and go with the National Wildlife Federation that insists that large cats such as lions, tigers and jaguars can roar, but are not physically able to purr. These cats can make noises similar to purring, but it’s just a put on.

There is of course on exception to the big cat rule and that is in the cheetah family. These speedy cats can purr – but sadly for them, they cannot roar.