What a way to celebrate your first month on planet earth as we are just moments away from Maddie’s Jersey City evacuation adventure. The hurricane is slated to unleash her fury later this afternoon and we are already about 70 miles inland with Maddie’s grandparents.
Little did we know that our daughter had some real issues with our evacuation strategy yesterday and she employed a wide variety of civil disobedience tactics to distract us from our plan. Friday morning started off well with a nice walk in the park – but Maddie had obviously spent her quiet time plotting a little bit of chaos to unleash against her parental units when their guard was down.
Lunch seemed to go well enough – and Daddy was more than happy to take on that afternoon’s burping duties. The baby seemed to be a bit restless when she launched her first preemptive strike of the day. Maddie reared back her head and belched forth a surprisingly generous stream of mother milk down Stay Home PaPa’s shirt.
I looked down to inspect the damage when I realized that the magical goop had already doused my shirt and pasted it against my chest. She looked at me coyly, apparently very satisfied with her art work. It reminded me of a line from the movie Juno, when the store clerk tells a pregnant teenager, “That’s one doodle that can’t be undone home skillet.”
Well that shirt was shot – and Maddie was still trying to figure out new and creative ways to avoid the inevitable evacuation. Since the baby had gotten covered in some of her own goo – It was the perfect time to try the mini bathtub for the first time. Suffice it to say, bath time was a complete success and things were really looking up.
We watched the non-stop hurricane coverage while the baby took a little nap. When Maddie woke up, we went to her room for a quick diaper change before dinner. The change started off well enough – Everything was in the green, all systems go, the finish line was in site, when suddenly my little race car developed a problem.
It was eerily similar to a NASCAR crash on the final lap. First your engine coughs, then it sputters and suddenly parts and oil are flying across the track – Or in this case, stuff is shooting out of our little girl and I have no place to hide.
The yellow caution flags came out – but the damage was already done. I had some post-race cleaning to take care of before more damage could be inflicted. Casualties included my hands, the changing pad, the cloth diaper we use for added protection and even the fresh diaper that was supposed to cover the chassis.
But hey – that’s what dad’s are for – better luck next time.
As for Maddie, her tactics were brilliant – but rain or shine –we’re headed west to seek shelter from the storm with her grandparents. Hey munchkin, better luck next time!