NASCAR

Maddie, Start Your Engine!

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Fuel burning fast on an empty tank!
Fuel burning fast on an empty tank!

Pink Power Stuns Danica Patrick

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Heads up Danica, RUBBING is RACING!

Danica Patrick was not hurt after crashing her number ten car during today’s Daytona qualifier run. As the newest member of Tony Stewart’s team, Danica has a great deal to think about as she makes her transition to the NASCAR circuit. Well today she got one more item to add to her list of headaches.

Patrick will now have to deal with another rough and tumble female at this week’s Daytona 500. The Mad Madster threw her hat into the ring and will be ripping around the track in her 300 horsepower pink fire-eater pictured above. Maddie says the team has her car ready to go. She says the newly installed spinning pinwheels have added a level a stability no one thought possible.

For now, NASCAR is satisfied that Maddie’s pink monster meets all the specs. Inspectors were concerned about the low cut windscreen, but at 24 inches high, any debris will likely fly right over her car

Maddie is a fearless competitor who’s never been afraid to trade a little paint. Her warrior-like headband is sure to put the fear of God into anybody behind the wheel at this weekend’s race classic.

Maddie even took a test run around the bedroom this morning. No official speed has been recorded due to the fact that we couldn’t stop the baby from practicing her victory donuts in the hallway.

Despite her racing prowess, she comes into this weekend’s race as the underdog. Recent teething issues have taken a bite out of her normal practice schedule, but she insists that she is chomping at the bit to the win the whole dang thing.

Tony Stewart, who has Danica on his team, did a little trash talking before today’s practice run calling Maddie a “little pink princess.” Maddie responded by saying that if she and little Anthony have a run in on the track, he’s gonna need all the spare parts that Home Depot can deliver because he’s going into the wall.

As for Danica, she had nothing but praise for the youngest driver ever to hit the circuit. She says that expanding racing to children under 7-months-old is a bold step and good for the sport. She looks forward to what she calls the Maddie challenge despite the fact that Danica will be in a backup car after today’s unfortunate wreck.

Maddie Prepares for Hurricane Evacuation Adventure

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You can not be serious!!

What a way to celebrate your first month on planet earth as we are just moments away from Maddie’s Jersey City evacuation adventure. The hurricane is slated to unleash her fury later this afternoon and we are already about 70 miles inland with Maddie’s grandparents.

Little did we know that our daughter had some real issues with our evacuation strategy yesterday and she employed a wide variety of civil disobedience tactics to distract us from our plan. Friday morning started off well with a nice walk in the park – but Maddie had obviously spent her quiet time plotting a little bit of chaos to unleash against her parental units when their guard was down.

Lunch seemed to go well enough – and Daddy was more than happy to take on that afternoon’s burping duties. The baby seemed to be a bit restless when she launched her first preemptive strike of the day. Maddie reared back her head and belched forth a surprisingly generous stream of mother milk down Stay Home PaPa’s shirt.

I looked down to inspect the damage when I realized that the magical goop had already doused my shirt and pasted it against my chest. She looked at me coyly, apparently very satisfied with her art work. It reminded me of a line from the movie Juno, when the store clerk tells a pregnant teenager, “That’s one doodle that can’t be undone home skillet.”

Well that shirt was shot – and Maddie was still trying to figure out new and creative ways to avoid the inevitable evacuation. Since the baby had gotten covered in some of her own goo – It was the perfect time to try the mini bathtub for the first time. Suffice it to say, bath time was a complete success and things were really looking up.

We watched the non-stop hurricane coverage while the baby took a little nap. When Maddie woke up, we went to her room for a quick diaper change before dinner. The change started off well enough – Everything was in the green, all systems go, the finish line was in site, when suddenly my little race car developed a problem.

It was eerily similar to a NASCAR crash on the final lap. First your engine coughs, then it sputters and suddenly parts and oil are flying across the track – Or in this case, stuff is shooting out of our little girl and I have no place to hide.

The yellow caution flags came out – but the damage was already done. I had some post-race cleaning to take care of before more damage could be inflicted. Casualties included my hands, the changing pad, the cloth diaper we use for added protection and even the fresh diaper that was supposed to cover the chassis.

But hey – that’s what dad’s are for – better luck next time.

As for Maddie, her tactics were brilliant – but rain or shine –we’re headed west to seek shelter from the storm with her grandparents. Hey munchkin, better luck next time!