what can brown do for you
MiMi came to the Garden State this weekend for some quality time with her granddaughter, the Marauding Madster. MiMi has been enjoying a sweet little visit with the baby, but Maddie really likes to keep things interesting. So this morning, when MiMi was changing the diaper – Maddie pulled a fast one.
The changing process was just about complete, the new diaper was already underneath the baby when MiMi tripped an IED. (Improvised Explosive Device) In the blink of an eye, MiMi was covered with shrapnel.
The force of the blast not only hit MiMi’s shirt, but some unmentionables actually soared past the changing table and onto her socks. It took a moment for MiMi to recover. She looked down at Maddie who was sporting a very smug look that seemed to say, “How ya like them apples? Anything else in your bag of tricks?”
With Maddie, it’s always about the sneak attack. The infant lies in wait, plotting, stalking and waiting for the right moment to strike. When she hits, it’s always a surgical strike executed with the ruthlessness of a toughened veteran of multiple campaigns.
Maddie acquires her target, calculates the range and it’s a bulls eye every time. We appreciate MiMi’s kind heart and good nature – It’s not always easy after you are forced to ride the brown lightning.
An old cliché says into each life, some rain must fall. My sly little daughter introduced me to her own interpretation of that little idiom this morning during bath time.
Just one day after I had the audacity to refer to her as a pooping raptor after giving her Mom the brown treatment – it was my turn to join the festivities. I had just changed Maddie’s diaper and decided to follow it up with a nice bath in the sink.
This was mostly because that the diaper change went horribly wrong. My gorgeous daughter unleashed a deluge of urine that quickly soaked her little nightshirt. Wow, how quickly fortunes can change with a magical peeing munchkin.
Maddie seemed most entertained as I fought to stem the tide of rising urine. Sadly, my good intentions were not enough, as she was now lying in a pool of Mike’s Hard Lemonade.
A quick jaunt to the bathroom sink and I was ready to initiate emergency clean-up operations. Maddie batted her mesmerizing eyes at me, clearly taken by the theater of the moment. I fumbled with faucet, but we were soon ready to go.
Just as I put the warm soapy washcloth to my baby, she decided that it would be best to pee on me as well. But, I was ready. I pivoted her little butt over the sink and Angle Falls fell harmlessly into the running water.
Haaaa!!! – I gazed triumphantly into the mirror only to find a large streak of brown lightning splayed across my t-shirt. But I was so clever, how did, wha had happen was, I mean, but she, where did that come from???
Now the left side of my shirt was a DMZ zone and our bath time had only just begun.
I deftly moved her to the right, determined to finish our clean up when another warm front of pee came in from the west. Still in shock from the brown finger paint – and with my left side now off limits – I was forced to briefly bask in the glory of this introductory golden shower.
It took a good two seconds before I could get her back privates back into the soothing waters of Ashburn, Virginia – but the damage was done.
Now that I’ve joined the Mud Membership Club – I now know what BROWN can do for you!