MMA

Kid Carnage Forms Infant Mixed Martial Arts League

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Take No Prisoners

For Immediate Release:
 

Madeleine International announces the formation of the Infant Mixed Martial Arts Association (IMMAA) At just five days old; Madeleine Adams realized that gentle rocking and the sound of silence are just not her style. She decided to form the league in the spirit of carnage among like-minded infants.

Madeleine says that acting cute and cuddly during the day is ok with her – as long as you are willing to bring it each and every night.

Maddie went on to say that unlike the delicate little pansies in the current MMA Arena – The IMMAA plans to adopt their motto from Outback Steakhouses, “No Rules, Just Right!”

All fights will include, but not be limited to:

  • Headbutting
  • Eye Gouging
  • Hair Pulling
  • Fish Hooking
  • Groin Strikes

Maddie concluded the press conference with a private screening of Fight Club and was heard to call Brad Pitt a puny little punk.

All kidding aside – Madeleine has shown unlimited affection for loud and abrasive noises, harsh weather conditions as well as rough and bumpy travel conditions.

For a girl that is only 5 days old, she continues to amaze us with her unusually rugged nature.

My wife and I have read a great deal of passages that urge parents to immerse their newborns into a gentle world full of solitude and gentleness. It is my fondest hope that those parents find some solace in these types of articles. In our case, our baby does not fit into any of these categories.

She loves adventure, action and constant stimulation.

Further proof that my girl is an URBAN COMMANDO:

  • Thunderstorms have the same affect on her a bottle of NyQuil.
  • She cherishes bumpy roads and potholes while riding in her car seat.
  • Rumbling over a torn up sidewalk in her stroller is a dream come true.
  • We stopped in her stroller not far from the local Light Rail Station – The engineer blew the air horn and she thought it was wildly entertaining.
  • A shopping cart with a bad wheel was like a slice of heaven to her.
  • Harsh winds bring a smile to her face.

Everything that would annoy or terrify a typical infant, just adds fuel to the fire for my little girl, MAD MADDIE!!

Day 4 – We’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

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Feed Me!!

There comes a moment in every action film where the protagonist realizes that they are truly over matched. At about five this morning, my sweet daughter Madeleine made it clear who was in charge.

 

The two of us went head to head in a legendary contest of wills.

 

The veteran (daddy) barely conscious – was still trying to bob and weave while the young challenger peppered PaPa with an intricate series of stunning jabs and explosive roundhouses.

 

The shift in the balance of power seems subtle at first, until I realize that the challenger has studied the film and knows all of my best tricks.

 

Madeleine unleashed just a small sample of her rage and power from 4am to 7am and I stand humbled before it.

 

Gina’s grandparents, Gary and Denise noted that Madeleine possessed a powerful cocktail of Gina’s obstinate nature and my hyperactivity. With the contest of wills this morning, I realize that Maddie is just getting warmed up.

 

This provides an enhanced understanding of Roy Scheider’s famous quote from the movie Jaws, “We’re gonna need a bigger boat!” He makes this observation as he watches the giant menacing dorsal fin bear down upon him and Captain Quint’s boat.

 

Turns out Roy was right – Jaws ate the damned boat and the captain!

 

When I ask Maddie if I’m next, she just smiles and smacks her lips.