medical

Honey Badger Demands Shots Once a Week

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Hey Doc, Hit me with your best SHOT!

Just before leaving the pediatrician’s office, Maddie stared down the doctor. With defiance plastered across her face she declared, “Next time, hit me with a bigger needle and put your back into it!”

Maddie took her cue from Rocky IV this week when her poor little body was covered with bumps and she was racked with sickness. The evil Russian from the movie, Dolph Lundgren tells little Rocky, “I must break you!” Sly Stallone, always the smart one replies, “Go for it!”

That was just a movie, but my little Honey Badger is toughness personified.

Maddie took the worst her one-year vaccinations had to offer and shrugged it off in a little more than 24 hours. As if being sick wasn’t enough, Maddie bounced her left cheekbone off the corner of the living room table. She cried for less than 30 seconds and kept on playing as if nothing had happened.

Her grandmother MiMi always called Maddie a “Toughie,” but this is just ridiculous. Maddie even has a grizzly bear carpet in her room. The bear isn’t dead, it’s just too scared to move.

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6-Month Shots Put Household on High Alert

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What, me worry?

Tomorrow morning, Maddie goes under the needle for her 6-month vaccinations. This might sound overly dramatic, but the 2 and 4-month shots proved to be both sad and disruptive for all parties involved.

Seeing Maddie in great discomfort is a helpless and debilitating feeling. Your little girl is hurting and confused and is equally curious as to how you allowed this pain befall her in the first place.

The other issue is the glut of information out there about the potential hazards of these vaccines. At one point, the government insists that a particular shot is critical for your child’s health and the next year crosses it off the list.

I’m sure that keeping a positive attitude about the process can only help, but it sure won’t appease my little girl.

I’m also not convinced that knowing what to expect provides any tangible peace of mind. Maddie’s worst reaction seems to come almost four hours after the injection. She suddenly breaks down into panic as if its all taking place again. At this point, Maddie becomes completely inconsolable.

During the last two rounds of shots, Maddie was out of sorts across the board for at least four to five days. All naps and normal sleep schedules are truncated by these vaccination events as well as Maddie’s appetite.

So shields up and prepare for impact because tomorrow morning we are going in!

Baby Dumps Honey Badger, Embraces Spitting Cobra

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Did you really just spit on that nice lady?

We often refer to Maddie as the “Honey Badger” because of her rare brand of toughness. But this morning, the baby adopted the characteristics of the honey badger’s archenemy, the dreaded spitting cobra!

More and more, Maddie has taken to expressing her displeasure by sticking out her tongue and blowing spittle. You really can’t miss the noise or saliva splatter that carpets the area when little Maddie is acting out.

When Maddie directs this behavior towards her Dad, I cancel the transaction by placing my finger on her bottom lip. This type of behavior has recently started to ramp up during one of three activities:

  • Diaper changes
  • Wardrobe changes
  • Headband adjustments

This spackle/spittle issue really didn’t cross my mind when the baby arrived at the craniologist’s office this morning. We had a simple appointment to get Maddie’s headband adjusted. Once the adjusting process began, it didn’t take long for Maddie’s fussiness meter to start pinging.

I warned the headband technician to beware of Maddie’s spittle. She told me not to worry just as Maddie tried to apply her first coat of spackle onto the poor woman. I gently touched the baby’s bottom lip to remind her that we don’t spray people with our saliva. Luckily, the spray missed its mark, but I cautioned the tech again to be on the lookout.

Just as Maddie was getting the back of her head examined, she fired a second round of liquid love that fell helplessly to the floor. Once again, I apologized for Maddie’s boisterous behavior and the tech assured me that I had nothing to worry about.

Well, we’ve all heard that the third time is the charm. No sooner had the tech relaxed when Maddie the cobra let loose a venomous splatter of biblical proportions. The generous spray caught the tech right in the face and in one of her eyes. The tech staggered back, struggling for composure while Maddie eyed her suspiciously and I spewed my vehement apologies.

I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to watch your child do something wildly inappropriate, I just never thought the first incident would occur so early. I suppose this was how little Maddie decided she would celebrate her 6-month birthday. We can only imagine what goodies she will cook up for us when she turns one-year-old.

Baby Gets Headband – Becomes Super Hero

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I'm the awesome chick on the left!

The DOC Headband has weighed heavily on our parental minds for weeks now. We knew the appointment was coming, but did our best to try and forget about it. Our greatest fear was that the band would be uncomfortable for the baby. However, it seems that the band is bothering the parents a great deal more than it’s troubling Maddie.

The fact that baby is not bothered is a great relief to us, but we know that could change. I actually like the look. When Maddie is wearing the band, she looks like one of the PowerPuff Girls, the black-haired one named Buttercup!

The band is designed to help shape the head in a certain way so the baby has no jaw problems when she gets older. Of course it is all but impossible to believe that there are any issues now. You can already tell by her pictures that Maddie is perfect.

So now comes the trial period where we check for sore spots on the baby’s head every three hours. This is to make sure that Maddie is not having any adverse reaction to the material against her scalp.

It’s certainly not designed to be an attractive piece of headgear, but Maddie makes it look good. And what’s up with the name, “the DOC Headband?” In most states, the D-O-C stands for the department of corrections. That’s right, jail, prison, the big house where society houses the bad guys. I guess we’re lucky that the doctor didn’t suggest that Maddie wear the orange correctional jumpsuit. Next thing you know, they will have her working on the chain gang with Cool Hand Luke.

So back to the headband – there will be no pictures of this little time period in our lives. Maddie may check out this blog in the future and lord only knows what the World Wide Web will be doing with photos 10 to 12 years from now. The band is only supposed to be on for about six weeks. So for now, we just follow the doctor’s orders and hope for the best.