Jersey City Police

Maddie Stupefied by Jersey Shore Divas

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Maddie places emergency call to the fashion police

Our daily walk to Starbucks got sidetracked this afternoon by characters from some travesty of a television show called Jersey Shore. Snoopy and BowWow or some such nonsensical people have moved into our neighborhood and are already causing traffic headaches for cars and pedestrians alike.

Maddie and her dad had been running errands all day and our reward was to stop in and see her barista friends at Starbucks. We were hurrying along and not really paying attention to our surroundings when we ran into some police and camera crews. We marched around them but got caught up in a dead end of bicycle barricades with a growing crowd behind them.

Uh oh – Maddie gave me the look that said, “What’s the hold up, Stay Home PaPa?”

It dawned on me that this gathering must be for the Jersey Shore people who have now invaded Jersey City. Maddie gave the female police officer a wink and I shared one of my favorite movie quotes from the movie the Blues Brothers: “Use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of the Jersey Shore cast members has been approved.”

The officer got a real kick out of that one as her radio chirped that more officers were on the way.

Due the lateness of the hour and growing fervor around the arrival of the soon-to-be-intoxicated Jersey Shore wingdings, we decided to skip the coffee and head home for some corn, sweet potatoes and apples mix.

It’s amazing to me that even though we don’t let Maddie watch television, she’s already been exposed to the high-class quality programming that reality television has to offer. Maybe tomorrow we will pop into New York City and see if we can hang with some skanky Bravo Housewives.

Baby Finds Appetite, Unleashes the Fury

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Protesters trigger another outburst!

Almost a week after Maddie’s 2-month vaccination ordeal – her appetite is finally coming around again. But her newfound hunger has come with a loud and painful price – a new and exciting screaming and crying bug.

I pulled out all stops and tried everything I could to tame the Mad Madster – but all of my efforts were fruitless. As the day wore on, I could feel all of the energy being sucked out of my body. Every time I almost coaxed her to sleep, she would come on like a wolverine squealing and protesting my feeble efforts.

I already consider myself cosmically blessed that Maddie has always been so sweet and agreeable during the day – but today was a whole new experience.

The pattern evolved like this:

  • Desperation eating
  • Hour of happiness
  • Hour of carnage

The entire morning and afternoon devolved into a contest of wills – I desperately wanted a nap, but Maddie was committed to crying and screaming. This scenario repeated itself throughout the day, which left both of us completely drained.

Maddie and I finally made our way outside for some fresh air, but we ran into some unexpected and unwelcome trouble. A group of idiot protesters were acting like fools in front of the Starbucks and their negative energy woke up the baby and got her upset all over again. I asked the Jersey City Police to crack some heads and shut them up, but I don’t think that fits into their job description. Too bad!

We met Gina at the Path station and made our way home with a very unhappy baby. We fed her as soon as we walked in the door, but about an hour later, Maddie went back on the warpath. After about 20 minutes of anger and fussiness, Maddie’s mom came up with a brilliant solution to our problem.

She told me to cook up a mini-bottle of just two ounces. Maddie sucked it down and for the first time all day, the baby seemed completely satisfied. We put her in the swing and she finally got some real quality sleep. (4 hours worth)

Looks like Maddie just needed some extra vittles – too bad that Stay Home PaPa is a little slow on the draw and thank god her Momma has all the brains!