It was a contest of epic proportions – man versus stroller in a winner take all grudge match. I tasked my neighbor to bring in Maddie’s stroller and the sparks began to fly. Foul words were spoken as the tempestuous contraption put the screws to my friend who was only trying to help. It seems no good deed goes unpunished in Jersey City.
It all began with Maddie’s typical outdoor time. The weather was noticeably colder so we grabbed an extra blanket to go along with that fresh Jersey air. We hit the local Starbucks in a flash and were already headed home when I saw that Madeleine had fallen sound asleep in her stroller. This is despite the fact that she had only been awake less than 90 minutes.
As I got closer to home, the quandary loomed larger than the Statue of Liberty. How would I get the sleeping baby up to her crib and secure the stroller at the same time. You can’t leave anything outside in Jersey City and expect it be there when you get back. I decided on an unorthodox approach and called my neighbor for backup. I asked him to round up the stroller for me while I ran Maddie upstairs into the house. She could keep sleeping and the stroller would not end up in some back room pawnshop traded in for crack money.
I showed my neighbor the pull cord that allows the stroller to go flat and headed upstairs with sleeping beauty. I laid the sleeping angel in the crib and quick-stepped it downstairs to see how my neighbor was faring with the stroller. What I saw next was priceless. The image of a grown man literally wrestling with the baby buggy will be seared into my memory for months to come.
If the stroller was a deadly python, it was surely getting the best of my poor desperate friend. I watched for a moment as pushed it, prodded and maybe even took a swing at it. He even lifted it off the ground in a WWE move that I thought would signal the end of my baby’s ride.
Finally, I had to put an end to this conflict before someone got really hurt. I thanked him for his efforts as I corralled the man-eating stroller. He said WAIT, I want to see how you do this! I pulled the cord (printed with the word PULL) and the stroller obediently snapped into a flat and easy to carry package.
The afternoon was a success, Maddie got the nap she so desperately needed and I was witness to a performance for the ages.
For Immediate Release:
Madeleine International announces the formation of the Infant Mixed Martial Arts Association (IMMAA) At just five days old; Madeleine Adams realized that gentle rocking and the sound of silence are just not her style. She decided to form the league in the spirit of carnage among like-minded infants.
Madeleine says that acting cute and cuddly during the day is ok with her – as long as you are willing to bring it each and every night.
Maddie went on to say that unlike the delicate little pansies in the current MMA Arena – The IMMAA plans to adopt their motto from Outback Steakhouses, “No Rules, Just Right!”
All fights will include, but not be limited to:
- Eye Gouging
- Hair Pulling
- Fish Hooking
- Groin Strikes
Maddie concluded the press conference with a private screening of Fight Club and was heard to call Brad Pitt a puny little punk.
All kidding aside – Madeleine has shown unlimited affection for loud and abrasive noises, harsh weather conditions as well as rough and bumpy travel conditions.
For a girl that is only 5 days old, she continues to amaze us with her unusually rugged nature.
My wife and I have read a great deal of passages that urge parents to immerse their newborns into a gentle world full of solitude and gentleness. It is my fondest hope that those parents find some solace in these types of articles. In our case, our baby does not fit into any of these categories.
She loves adventure, action and constant stimulation.
Further proof that my girl is an URBAN COMMANDO:
- Thunderstorms have the same affect on her a bottle of NyQuil.
- She cherishes bumpy roads and potholes while riding in her car seat.
- Rumbling over a torn up sidewalk in her stroller is a dream come true.
- We stopped in her stroller not far from the local Light Rail Station – The engineer blew the air horn and she thought it was wildly entertaining.
- A shopping cart with a bad wheel was like a slice of heaven to her.
- Harsh winds bring a smile to her face.
Everything that would annoy or terrify a typical infant, just adds fuel to the fire for my little girl, MAD MADDIE!!