driving

Car Shenanigans

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Meeting of the minds
Meeting of the minds
Maddie's all about the selfies
Maddie’s all about the selfies
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Maddie, Start Your Engine!

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Fuel burning fast on an empty tank!
Fuel burning fast on an empty tank!

Road Warrior Running on Empty

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I need a day off bro!

Maddie obviously has a little too much on her plate right now.

Her mom is on the road – New teeth are breaking through – And she’s racking up the miles. Factor these things together and Maddie is running on a short fuse.

She’s actually dealing with the stress quite well. Most of the issues are once again surfacing during the clothing and diaper changes. It seems like every time we have to change one or the other, Maddie is fighting mad.

She actually screams as if she is being interrogated underneath a long-forgotten Gulag. When other people hear these crazed protests, they worry that the baby must have fallen off of the changing table.

It doesn’t last long – once the change is completed, the baby is all butterscotch and ponies again. We have theorized before that it is always better not to mess with Maddie, but she can’t wear the same clothes all the time.

So, the question is, how do we alter Maddie’s perception that changing her clothes somehow violates her life, liberty and pursuit of happiness? There must be a way to distract her, but so far nothing seems to work.

We’ve gone through this stage before, but her protests have never been so over-the-top as they are now. As always, all suggestions are welcome!

Pink Power Stuns Danica Patrick

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Heads up Danica, RUBBING is RACING!

Danica Patrick was not hurt after crashing her number ten car during today’s Daytona qualifier run. As the newest member of Tony Stewart’s team, Danica has a great deal to think about as she makes her transition to the NASCAR circuit. Well today she got one more item to add to her list of headaches.

Patrick will now have to deal with another rough and tumble female at this week’s Daytona 500. The Mad Madster threw her hat into the ring and will be ripping around the track in her 300 horsepower pink fire-eater pictured above. Maddie says the team has her car ready to go. She says the newly installed spinning pinwheels have added a level a stability no one thought possible.

For now, NASCAR is satisfied that Maddie’s pink monster meets all the specs. Inspectors were concerned about the low cut windscreen, but at 24 inches high, any debris will likely fly right over her car

Maddie is a fearless competitor who’s never been afraid to trade a little paint. Her warrior-like headband is sure to put the fear of God into anybody behind the wheel at this weekend’s race classic.

Maddie even took a test run around the bedroom this morning. No official speed has been recorded due to the fact that we couldn’t stop the baby from practicing her victory donuts in the hallway.

Despite her racing prowess, she comes into this weekend’s race as the underdog. Recent teething issues have taken a bite out of her normal practice schedule, but she insists that she is chomping at the bit to the win the whole dang thing.

Tony Stewart, who has Danica on his team, did a little trash talking before today’s practice run calling Maddie a “little pink princess.” Maddie responded by saying that if she and little Anthony have a run in on the track, he’s gonna need all the spare parts that Home Depot can deliver because he’s going into the wall.

As for Danica, she had nothing but praise for the youngest driver ever to hit the circuit. She says that expanding racing to children under 7-months-old is a bold step and good for the sport. She looks forward to what she calls the Maddie challenge despite the fact that Danica will be in a backup car after today’s unfortunate wreck.

Baby Stars at Holiday Family Supper

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I make these stars look good!

Now that Maddie is tearing up the solid food, the dynamics of eating around her have changed completely.

The baby perks up anytime someone nearby puts something into his or her mouth, especially when it’s her mom or dad. Even when you take a drink, Maddie has no problem when it comes to reaching out for a little taste.

Today was no exception when we visited my Aunt in Central Virginia. Maddie was in remarkably good spirits after taking another road trip. We got Maddie into the house and placed her onto a blanket on the floor. My Aunt’s tiny Yorkie named Bonnie Blue couldn’t wait to come out and meet the baby.

The little pooch kept circling Maddie and trying to approach her to spread a little bit of love. The baby wasn’t sure what was going on, but the pup was dying to play with her. No physical interaction actually took place, but it was beyond cute to watch them size each other up.

With all of the relatives in the house, there was no way Maddie was going take a nap and miss out on any of the action. She put on a halftime jumping display that would have shamed Madonna at this year’s Super Bowl.

Once it was time for supper, Maddie was chomping at the bit to get in on the action. My aunt broke out an amazing array of turkey, ham, potatoes with all the works and Maddie was going wild.

I prepared an enormous plate for myself and started breaking off pieces from a roll for the Madster. She was gumming them up and setting them down while we everyone was eating around her. The baby was in all her glory because she was eating with the group, just like the big girl she is.

Each time she got the bread nice and soggy, we would replace it with a new piece to keep her interested without fear of any choking. This went on for a while until we decided to switch gears and actually let her try some turkey. Even when we finished up, the baby wanted to keep the party going.

Maddie communicated to us that is was rude to eat and run, but we had to get her back home for some quality naptime. As always, she was a perfect lady and left everyone with a smile on their face.

Start the Car, I Need My Sleep!

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Step on it, I got a life to lead Cha Cha!

Maddie has always been very good at sleeping in the car, but lately it’s where she’s getting her best rest. Sad but true.

The baby has been boycotting sleep like it’s her job. A half hour here and 45 minutes there, but once the car gets rolling, she goes lights out. Keep in mind I said once the car gets ROLLING.

Even the briefest of stops leaves the occupants on pins and needles, terrified that the sleeping beast may awake and lay waste to all those in her path. Today was no different – we started driving and Maddie let out a huge snort of relief. The very first traffic light I hit, Maddie lit me up like a Roman candle. The light turned green, Maddie hunkered down for another nap. Do you see a pattern here?

Once we hit the highway, all of our troubles melted away in blur of perpetual motion. Yet 40 minutes later when we arrived at our destination, tragedy struck yet again. This time, I actually had to crawl into the back seat and feed her a couple of ounces to make sure she didn’t take me out.

Luckily just two ounces did the trick and baby was actually asleep on the bottle. I crept out of the car back into the driver’s seat, never once looking in the back seat to see if the little scream therapist had spotted me. A few miles down the road, I finally dug up the courage and took a quick glimpse in the back seat, but Maddie was out.

With Maddie at the tender age of four-months-old, we are reading a great deal of material about establishing proper sleep habits. We decided that we are going to dive in this weekend and set Maddie on course to a lifetime of wonderful and blissful sleep. The real question is who will making the rules, Maddie or her parents? If you are making wagers, I would make the baby as an early 3 to 1 favorite.