Mad Maddie Prepares for First TSA Encounter

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How is it that my glasses are a threat to national security?

With Maddie’s first flight less than 48 hours away, there are a myriad of scenarios we must be prepared for. Last time I flew, it was just a couple of months before Maddie was born.

Back then, the rocket scientists from the glorious TSA tried to put my pregnant wife through one of their full body scans. “Don’t worry, it’s safe!” grumbled the TSA mega-mind with the impressive grade school education. Thanks doc, but we will opt in for the humiliating cavity search rather than process the baby in your giant microwave oven.

I can only imagine what these hard-core guardians of the gate are going try with the baby. I imagine if they don’t try to send her through the luggage scanners along with our shoes and deadly belt buckles, we will be ahead of the game.

Maddie’s first flight will be a short one, but trying to anticipate her needs and reactions may be a challenge. At 8-months-old, she already has some strong opinions on how she should be dealt with according to her celebrity status.

So how do we handle things in the jet if Maddie goes dark side and terrorizes the pilot or one of the passengers? What if she takes a bite out the landing gear? What is proper protocol for a screaming baby on a flight?

We are all American citizens, but can one of Maddie’s outbursts lead to a mandatory deportation scenario?

There are so many questions that just won’t be answered until we land at our destination. The obvious course of action is to be cool and just let things evolve naturally. But there’s only so much we can do if the baby flips the script on us.

It’s also entirely possible that Maddie’s behavior will be perfect in public. She may very well save all that angst for when we get to the hotel. We know that either way we will have to pay the piper – the only question is will it happen in a public or private setting?

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One thought on “Mad Maddie Prepares for First TSA Encounter

    Jeff said:
    March 23, 2012 at 5:24 am

    There is a way to fight the TSA now. Please check out http://fttusa.org (Freedom To Travel USA) and join us. We have some interesting things planned for the Spring.

    Also, the INFORMATION KIT , which you can download at the site, objectively explains why most Americans believe the TSA is performing illegal and abusive procedures.

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