Just when you thought it was safe to go near the crib! My wife and I witnessed a series of sinister and terrifying shark attacks this morning on the baby monitor.
We’ve all heard about the chupacabra capture in Texas or the numerous Sasquatch sightings through out the years, but no has ever seen what a crazed land shark is actually capable of once they misplace their pacifier.
As many have you might have noticed, when the land shark is at rest, she takes on the shape of my gorgeous 7-month-old baby girl named Maddie. Those striking eyes and dazzling smile can lull almost anyone into a complete state of euphoria and relaxation.
But when she wants that pacifier and it skitters away – it’s like chum in the water for a bloodthirsty shark. There we were, two doting parents watching our bundle of joy on the baby monitor when Maddie fumbled her pacifier and it slipped out of her reach.
That’s when the transformation began and you could see a dorsal fin rising up from the crib. Perhaps that is a bit of embellishment, but the following remarks include no over-dramatization (not too much anyway).
Maddie wanted that pacifier back and was willing to fight for it. She actually spun and lunged face first for her fleeing pacifier. My wife and I gasped at the spectacle of it all.
When the land shark came up empty, she made another blind face-first-lunge for the elusive prey. This time she face-planted into the mattress, but continued thrashing about in hopes of scaring the pesky thing back to the surface. Sadly her vast efforts did not produce the results she was looking for and the pacifier remained hidden behind her shoulder.
After the heartbreak of a second failed strike, Maddie decided to feed on her feet instead. This was a good plan except for the fact that the pj’s she was wearing had footies on the bottom. The poor land shark finally decided that it would just be easier to order room service.
She let out a few angry hoots to summon the servants that is was time for them to come and pick her up. Later that morning, when Maddie was messing around with her strained prunes and raisins, she took comfort in the knowledge that her next paralyzing strike would come without warning.
Man does our little girl love her pacifier! I personally don’t watch the Simpsons, but I have seen enough commercials during NFL games to know who Maggie is and what she’s all about. When the cartoon baby loses her pacifier, all bets are off and she probably goes postal.
I don’t know if it’s good or bad – but Maddie, not to be confused with Maggie, also sees her pacifier as a cherished friend who is always ready to listen and comfort at a moments notice. And as much as I hate to admit it, I feel the same way about that little piece of plastic and rubber.
These things are absolute lifesavers. They are the common cure for restlessness, the sucking reflex and general fatigue. It makes sense that a pacifier would pacify the baby – but it’s soothing powers still continue to amaze. I can’t count the number of tantrums or crying sessions that have been headed off by this tiny little prop.
The pacifier is also an invaluable tool when it comes to the filling the diaper department- nothing relives the baby’s stress more than that little baby soother. It is a device that we will always be grateful for – even when it’s time to get rid of them.
And it’s not like she wants the pacifier all the time either. It never takes the place of food or hunger. And when she doesn’t want it – she’s more than happy to spit it out. Sometimes she launches it a good two to three feet or more. So unlike Maggie, she doesn’t need it all the time, which is a very good thing.
As parents, we try to practice moderation in all things and we feel blessed that Maddie already tends to regulate her pacifier usage. Several sources say that parents needs to ditch the pacifier at about 18 months – and I’m all for it. But until that time – we will continue to appreciate the power and the glory of the mighty pacifier!