Sasquatch

Baby Girl Standing Tall Now

Posted on Updated on

You should see my backflip!

Like UFO’s, Sasquatch, the Loch Ness Monster and several other incidents of paranormal phenomenon, we have struggled for nearly three days without any photographic evidence of Maddie standing unassisted.

Every time I snagged the phone or a camera, Maddie would hit the deck with reckless abandon. Obviously, she didn’t want to create a stir with her newfound abilities.

Little did Maddie know as she shuffled over to me this afternoon, I had turned on the camera and hidden it from her line of sight. Like a nasty little paparazzi, I was ready to catch my daughter in the act. Sure enough, she stood up with a shoelace wrapped around her hand and a wicked little grin on her face. I let her bask in the glory of standing for a good six seconds before I snagged the camera and snapped a quick pic.

She immediately landed on her butt, but I was quick on the draw and the damage had already been done. There was finally evidence of Maddie standing like a sentinel of hope ready to disperse her unique brand of justice. For some reason, we both found this wildly entertaining and started laughing a like a couple of hyenas.

Maddie spent the rest of the day following me from room to room so she could use my leg hair to pull herself up to full attention. She’s practicing this standing thing no less than about 12 to 15 times a day. I’m not sure what her actual intent is, but you can tell that Maddie is definitely a girl with a plan.

Pacifier Hunt Triggers Land Shark Feeding Frenzy

Posted on Updated on

Imagine what I could accomplish with a few teeth!

Just when you thought it was safe to go near the crib! My wife and I witnessed a series of sinister and terrifying shark attacks this morning on the baby monitor.

We’ve all heard about the chupacabra capture in Texas or the numerous Sasquatch sightings through out the years, but no has ever seen what a crazed land shark is actually capable of once they misplace their pacifier.

As many have you might have noticed, when the land shark is at rest, she takes on the shape of my gorgeous 7-month-old baby girl named Maddie. Those striking eyes and dazzling smile can lull almost anyone into a complete state of euphoria and relaxation.

But when she wants that pacifier and it skitters away – it’s like chum in the water for a bloodthirsty shark. There we were, two doting parents watching our bundle of joy on the baby monitor when Maddie fumbled her pacifier and it slipped out of her reach.

That’s when the transformation began and you could see a dorsal fin rising up from the crib. Perhaps that is a bit of embellishment, but the following remarks include no over-dramatization (not too much anyway).

Maddie wanted that pacifier back and was willing to fight for it. She actually spun and lunged face first for her fleeing pacifier. My wife and I gasped at the spectacle of it all.

When the land shark came up empty, she made another blind face-first-lunge for the elusive prey. This time she face-planted into the mattress, but continued thrashing about in hopes of scaring the pesky thing back to the surface. Sadly her vast efforts did not produce the results she was looking for and the pacifier remained hidden behind her shoulder.

After the heartbreak of a second failed strike, Maddie decided to feed on her feet instead. This was a good plan except for the fact that the pj’s she was wearing had footies on the bottom. The poor land shark finally decided that it would just be easier to order room service.

She let out a few angry hoots to summon the servants that is was time for them to come and pick her up. Later that morning, when Maddie was messing around with her strained prunes and raisins, she took comfort in the knowledge that her next paralyzing strike would come without warning.