Professor Hidetoshi Katori

Infant’s Stomach Surpasses Accuracy of All Known Time Devices

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My God, tell me it's time to eat!

There are multiple elements that factor into the most accurate atomic clocks through out the international community. The most accurate clock on the planet is the University of Tokyo’s Optical Lattice Atomic Clock that recently calculated time to 17 decimal places or a 100 quadrillionth of a second. The clock’s creator, Professor Hidetoshi Katori says the device is so advanced, that it can actually detect changes in the earth’s gravity and is soon expected to have the capacity to measure time in space.

I will grant you that such that such grandiose time-keeping technology has proven to be relatively accurate, but it still can’t hold a candle to the inner workings of my daughter’s stomach. It’s hard to believe I know, but there can be no more accurate time keeping device known to man or science than Maddie’s stomach. So far, her stomach has not lost one quadrillionth of a second since she was born six weeks ago.

She can be dead asleep (we are talking comatose) but when it’s time to eat – she goes from zero to 135 mph just like a navy jet fighter that just catapulted off the deck of an aircraft carrier. Boom – No negotiating – No build up – she is wide-awake and ready to get down to the business of unbridled nutrition intake.

Her waking time intervals for food are flawless every time and it is driven by a force of nature that has yet to be uncovered by mortal man. Let’s say her eating time is 1pm – you could surround her crib with a city full of Vegas odds makers at 12:59 and they would give you 10,000 to one odds that there is no way that girl will wake up in time for her 1pm feeding. But the nanosecond that clock turns to 1pm, a secret bell chimes in her stomach and she is suddenly awake and full outrage and indignation that she had to wake up hungry.

Keep in mind, her parents have never ever missed a feeding or even been more than five minutes late – but our suspicious little munchkin wakes up every time from every nap knowing that this is going to be the first time that her evil parents forget to feed her.

Maddie has made it abundantly clear that she should never have to wake up hungry. Sadly, we have still have no answers and no solutions to this problem. Perhaps Professor Katori from the University of Tokyo can crack this cosmic riddle for us.