My Minions!!

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Say it with a kiss!
Say it with a kiss!
Trying to work it out
Would the real minions please stand up?
Will the real minions please stand up?
We are chillaxin!
We are chillaxin!

AMC Theatres – Previews that Terrify Toddlers

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The "G" rating seems a little out of whack!
The “G” rating seems a little out of whack!

A special thanks to AMC Theatres:

I have called, written and e-mailed, but they have made no effort to contact me.

They could care less about how many times you have to hustle your 3-year-old birthday girl in and out of the theater while they show MURDEROUS movie previews for Dracula, Killer Storms, Exodus and a Russian Mob Movie with Denzel.

With each fresh set of murders, we hustled Maddie out of the theater while all of our complaints fell on deaf ears. Mommy kept Mads roaming the halls as the bodies stacked up high on the screen.

After those gentle previews, they gave us some free movie passes and started the film 45 minutes late. But wait, there’s more!!

The movie is almost too blurry to watch – Then someone comes in and says, Planes is not available any longer, you can only view the movie in 3D. Maddie, get those those glasses so you can witness murder in 3d!

All this for my daughter’s first movie experience – Thanks AMC, we will always go out of our way to find any other theater. Thanks for the lousy customer service and complete disregard for small children – you must be very proud.

Baby Exploits Fear During Feeding Time

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Baby not afraid to go for the jugular during feeding time

Lions are opportunist hunters and will devour the closest animal regardless of its age, sex or condition. Lions never test potential prey for weaknesses – they just move in and to quote Ricky Bobby’s Daddy from the movie Talladega Nights: “That beautiful death machine will do what God made it to do, namely, eat you with a smile on it’s face.”

Dealing with Maddie during feeding time is now very similar to driving with an angry jungle cat in the passenger seat next to you. As my little girl continues to grow, her temperament during mealtime becomes downright terrifying. To celebrate seven weeks of close brushes with death during feeding time – I’ve compiled a short list of movies where human beings have found themselves face to face with wild animals not normally found in the confines of a car.

#1 – Tommy Boy

David Spade and Tommy Boy have to flee the car because an angry deer has woken up in the back seat and mauled the interior. Once the deer has finished with the car, it trots off into the woods prompting Tommy Boy to say, “I swear I’ve seen a lot of stuff in my life, but that… was… *awesome*.”

#2 – Talladega Nights

Ricky Bobby’s Daddy traps a cougar and slips it into the car so Ricky Bobby can learn how to drive with the fear. When Ricky gets home to his Mom, she asks him how the meeting with his father went to which he replies, “”Well, I was mauled by a cougar, learned nothing about driving and my Crystal Gayle shirt was ruined. But other than that, it went fine.”

#3 – Hangover

Stu, Phil and Alan are driving Mike Tyson’s tiger back to the champ’s house when the cat wakes up and attacks the boys and maims the Mercedes. This is just moments after Alan was reviewing some of the eating habits of tigers by explaining that: “Tigers Love Pepper. They Hate Cinnamon!”

#4 – Groundhog Day

Bill Murray gets bitten not once, but twice by an angry groundhog. It happens during the scene where Murray kidnaps Punxsutawney Phil and takes off with him in the pickup truck. These bites were not supposed to happen and were never actually shown during the movie. During the scene where Bill gets bitten, he lets the groundhog drive and tells him, “Don’t drive angry! Don’t Drive Angry!”