Keanu Reeves

Shopping Trip Turns into Bad Remake of Speed

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Maddie understands that PaPa is not too quick!

During the movie Speed, Dennis Hopper spends a great deal of screen time doling out death quizzes to “Super-Cop” Keanu Reeves.

Due to negligent planning – Stay Home PaPa had his own Speed moment Friday morning when he found himself racing around a discount store with a restless ten pound explosive sitting in the shopping cart he was pushing.

“Pop quiz, hotshot – Big store, Baby ready to meltdown and you FORGOT the PACIFIER. What do you do? What do you do?”

None of the options at this point are very appealing. We are not exactly terribly far away from feeding time and Maddie seems more than willing to belt out some real noise if the mood is right.

Keeping with the “Speed” theme: The clock was ticking and if the speed of the shopping cart falls below 50 mph, everyone in the juice aisle is doomed. As soon as we penetrated the store – Maddie started to rumble. I pulled the cart to the side and assured Maddie that all was right in the world and that there was no need to panic.

The little girl seemed temporarily satisfied with my clumsy efforts and allowed our adventure to resume. I kicked the cart back into high gear and wheeled around the store yanking items off the shelf with reckless abandon – all the while keeping a close eye on my little time bomb.

I met each mini-meltdown with some positive reinforcement, crossed fingers and a rabbit foot as Maddie finally allowed the expedition to conclude without incident.

Lesson of the day – A man without a pacifier is like a fish without a bicycle. I have no idea what that even means!

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