First Swipe at Teeth Brushing Falls Flat

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I’d actually prefer a lollipop

The dentist advised us that we needed to start brushing all eight of Maddie’s teeth. This seemed a bit excessive since the baby is only 11-months-old. But since I’m obviously no expert on the finer points of a baby’s dental hygiene, we decided to let the games begin tonight.

Maddie came out of the tub with a wicked gleam in her eye. She knew that something strange was afoot and was ready to meet the challenge. Hah, that what she thought. First I started with a personal demonstration with my own toothbrush. Maddie knew I was faking it because she knows that my electric toothbrush makes a loud buzzing noise.

I continued with the show just before it was time for Maddie to feel the tingle of her brush inside her mouth. Keep in mind, this is a girl that will put almost everything she can find into her mouth. But when it was time for the tooth brush, her mouth slammed shut and for all purposes was hermetically sealed.

Her locked jaw and steely-eyed determination told the tale of the tape – the brush was not going to be an easy sell. The more we tried to brush the baby’s teeth, the more Maddie got her little lips brushed. This was stunningly cute, but horribly unproductive. Brushing Maddie’s teeth is obviously an acquired taste – but we are already working on some new strategies.

Baby Gets Headband – Becomes Super Hero

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I'm the awesome chick on the left!

The DOC Headband has weighed heavily on our parental minds for weeks now. We knew the appointment was coming, but did our best to try and forget about it. Our greatest fear was that the band would be uncomfortable for the baby. However, it seems that the band is bothering the parents a great deal more than it’s troubling Maddie.

The fact that baby is not bothered is a great relief to us, but we know that could change. I actually like the look. When Maddie is wearing the band, she looks like one of the PowerPuff Girls, the black-haired one named Buttercup!

The band is designed to help shape the head in a certain way so the baby has no jaw problems when she gets older. Of course it is all but impossible to believe that there are any issues now. You can already tell by her pictures that Maddie is perfect.

So now comes the trial period where we check for sore spots on the baby’s head every three hours. This is to make sure that Maddie is not having any adverse reaction to the material against her scalp.

It’s certainly not designed to be an attractive piece of headgear, but Maddie makes it look good. And what’s up with the name, “the DOC Headband?” In most states, the D-O-C stands for the department of corrections. That’s right, jail, prison, the big house where society houses the bad guys. I guess we’re lucky that the doctor didn’t suggest that Maddie wear the orange correctional jumpsuit. Next thing you know, they will have her working on the chain gang with Cool Hand Luke.

So back to the headband – there will be no pictures of this little time period in our lives. Maddie may check out this blog in the future and lord only knows what the World Wide Web will be doing with photos 10 to 12 years from now. The band is only supposed to be on for about six weeks. So for now, we just follow the doctor’s orders and hope for the best.

Tale of Survival: Taming the Talons of a Pterodactyl

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The purple is a really nice touch!

I have to admit that we have been remiss in cutting the baby’s fingernails. As a result, her tiny fingers have transformed into pterodactyl talons of death. One swipe of those razor sharp claws and you find yourself picking pieces of your small intestine up off the floor.

Needless to say, it was time for a trim! I had been waiting for Maddie to be in an exceptionally good mood before undertaking such a risky venture – and today was the day.

Our first attempt at nail cutting about a week ago ended in complete failure. Tending to the nails of your child with a spouse watching is not the way to go. This is a solo venture where coaching can have devastating results.

Just like Will Ferrell in the movie Stepbrothers, I decided to use Ninja breathing techniques and nail clipper camouflage to lull the baby into a false sense of security. The time to strike would be after the first feeding when my little girl was feeling the intoxicating effects of mother’s milk. I put a couch cushion on my lap and then gently laid Maddie down on top. Sure enough, the little girl was starting to fade.

As her eyes got heavy, I employed the old “I want to hold your hand” approach and luckily, she fell for it! Clippers appeared in a flash and suddenly her middle talon fell harmlessly to the couch. Seize the initiative – we knocked the pinkie and the ring finger nail next when Maddie realized that I was up to no good.

I had already dropped the clippers as she eyed me suspiciously. Nothing to see here little one – just the innocent eyes of your PaPa shining with love! Phewww – that was a close one!

Maddie slipped back into dreamland as I eyed the ultimate prize of the set – the thumbnail of death, actually judged to be sharper than concertina wire! I went in for a better grip, but the nail refused to give. It was a life and death struggle – man versus claw – it slashed at me, tearing my clothes, but I refused to yield. Suddenly with a snip, it was over. Sayonara you sick twisted nail!

The fingernails on the other hand went just like the first one, but I will leave that up to your imagination!