Baby Saves Halloween Treat for Unsuspecting Father
Halloween is a time for costumes, not costume changes – but try telling that to Maddie. For some reason, possibly as a civil protest to an article I wrote earlier this week, the baby has recently decided to boycott burping. If the baby doesn’t burp, her rate of spitting up increases significantly.
It took a while to fully understand this concept, but Maddie was kind enough to begin my education last night right before bedtime. After an uneventful diaper change, I picked up Maddie for a little nighttime stroll around the house. Just as I lifted her up, she launched a perfectly placed dollop of spit up right down her fresh nightgown. She smiled sweetly at me as if to say, “My bad, PaPa!”
Well this isn’t my first rodeo – I grabbed a clean nightgown, stripped off the soiled garment and changed the baby. Just as I finished adjusting her sleeves, the baby spackled up some more liquid love and this time it coated her collar. Again, she gave me loving smile that told she was feeling no pain.
This time, I fished out a bib along with outfit #3. I made the change, secured the bib and we made our way to the living room. I had Maddie up on my shoulder when she gave a gentle little cough – and sure enough, there was a new deposit of spit up, and this time it was running down the arm of her newest outfit.
Do you see a pattern here?
I fished out a nightgown with stars on it and was finally able to put the baby to bed in a clean outfit. I mention that the outfit had stars, because when I woke up the next morning, the stars were gone and Maddie was wearing pink. (Obviously her Mom had encountered some wardrobe excitement of her own during the night) That’s four changes in just one evening – but as you might have guessed from the title of this article, we’re still not halfway home!
After the morning feeding, the baby peppered a total of three bibs, two swaddle blankets and two more outfits, but the best was yet to come just after lunch.
Maddie and I were leaving a local restaurant and made a quick detour for a diaper change in the restroom. Once we were done, I lifted the baby off the changing table only to be hit with the ultimate baby booby trap. Maddie fired a blank point liquid round of regurgitated mother’s milk straight onto her PaPa. The bulk of her molten magic raced down the front of my pullover, while the rest breached the top of my collar and found my t-shirt and bare chest below.
I looked at the baby and asked, “Do you feel better now?” She gave me her best smile and encouraged me to hit the restaurant with the costume she had just created for me – “the human burp cloth.”
Today’s Lesson: It’s always good to have backup clothes for the baby, but it doesn’t hurt to have a spare shirt stashed away for yourself.