birth

Baby Timeline – Things Crawling Along

Posted on

 

10:20a  Parents arrive at hospital – Maddie safe at home with MiMi

12:30p  Gina starving, but still reading magazine recipes

6:02p  Challenged by an angry doctor and ordered out of room and stared down – Guy is obviously a former mental patient.

6:10p  Epidural executed, but baby doesn’t like it.

6:12p  Baby is fine

6:30p  Doctor is suddenly our best friend

7:00p  Epidural working (sort of)

7:15p  Room full of delivery specialists file in – standard procedure

7:25p  Epidural not working at all – This sucks

7:30p  Kicked out for 2nd Epidural

Little Lion Terrorizes on Tight Schedule

Posted on Updated on

Lions do the majority of their hunting at night – my little Leo is on a much tighter schedule.

It doesn’t happen every day, but when Maddie goes to the dark side, it almost always happens between 3am and 6am.

Her jaws began to snap and her screams reach a fever pitch that will not be silenced for any significant length of time. It’s actually quite a phenomenon to behold. Gina and I first encountered this fearsome predatory behavior the day she was born in the hospital.

Since then, we have struggled with what we were doing that was so wrong. What terrible mistakes were we making as parents that would make someone we love so much so terribly angry?

What strikes us during these episodes is the intensity and determination displayed these each tantrum. Maddie is bound and determined to rage for this short period of time even if all of her basic needs are met.

Its part of the learning curve I suppose. Unmistakable patterns have developed and once you have determined that the diaper is clean, the swaddle is sound and the belly is full – you just strap in and hang on for the ride of your life.

I’m actually learning to appreciate these magnificent and shocking acts of nature. A couple hours of unbridled fury is not the end of the world. I also have to respect a tiny little lady who is so determined to share her strong opinions with anybody in earshot.

Who knows where this special brand of obstinacy could take Maddie. Whether this mind set is directed towards studies, athletics or exploration – her competitors will likely shrivel up in fear at the mere mention of her name.

It’s also remarkable that these incidents only occur during such a small three-hour window. This actually provides the recipient with shades of hope that the sun will rise and the storm shall pass.

Kid Carnage Forms Infant Mixed Martial Arts League

Posted on Updated on

 

Take No Prisoners

For Immediate Release:
 

Madeleine International announces the formation of the Infant Mixed Martial Arts Association (IMMAA) At just five days old; Madeleine Adams realized that gentle rocking and the sound of silence are just not her style. She decided to form the league in the spirit of carnage among like-minded infants.

Madeleine says that acting cute and cuddly during the day is ok with her – as long as you are willing to bring it each and every night.

Maddie went on to say that unlike the delicate little pansies in the current MMA Arena – The IMMAA plans to adopt their motto from Outback Steakhouses, “No Rules, Just Right!”

All fights will include, but not be limited to:

  • Headbutting
  • Eye Gouging
  • Hair Pulling
  • Fish Hooking
  • Groin Strikes

Maddie concluded the press conference with a private screening of Fight Club and was heard to call Brad Pitt a puny little punk.

All kidding aside – Madeleine has shown unlimited affection for loud and abrasive noises, harsh weather conditions as well as rough and bumpy travel conditions.

For a girl that is only 5 days old, she continues to amaze us with her unusually rugged nature.

My wife and I have read a great deal of passages that urge parents to immerse their newborns into a gentle world full of solitude and gentleness. It is my fondest hope that those parents find some solace in these types of articles. In our case, our baby does not fit into any of these categories.

She loves adventure, action and constant stimulation.

Further proof that my girl is an URBAN COMMANDO:

  • Thunderstorms have the same affect on her a bottle of NyQuil.
  • She cherishes bumpy roads and potholes while riding in her car seat.
  • Rumbling over a torn up sidewalk in her stroller is a dream come true.
  • We stopped in her stroller not far from the local Light Rail Station – The engineer blew the air horn and she thought it was wildly entertaining.
  • A shopping cart with a bad wheel was like a slice of heaven to her.
  • Harsh winds bring a smile to her face.

Everything that would annoy or terrify a typical infant, just adds fuel to the fire for my little girl, MAD MADDIE!!

No Please – Take Your Sweet Time!

Posted on Updated on

0840
Water broken, but our little princess is surely taking her time. Contractions firing on all cylinders. Cue Ridin’ by Chamillionaire  because Mom needs a little perscription. Dang, I done spilled my drink!

0900
Pregnant Women are Strong – Here Honey squeeze my hand – Whoops – crush injury – Reconstructive hand surgery scheduled for shortly after we deliver the baby. Staff says I may lose the arm from elbow down. Damn this war!

0940
Cue Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd – Time for the Epidural –  ahhhhh, that’s what I’m talking about – even better than box wine!

1010
Cue Danger Zone, Top Gun theme – Gina dons oxygen mask looking like Tom Cruise (I will not leave my wingman) and requests that the baby buzz the tower – STILL no joy – but the mask makes a true fashion statement.

1115
Secret Weapon
Gina is 10 cm now – starting to get restless until I pull out the US weekly – please everyone, pray for my girl Jay-Lo!

1145
Not going anywhere for a while…  Using Almond Joys to bait the child out of hiding

1335
Gina asked what the market was doing. I told her it was getting creamed. Then she asked me what sectors were under-performing.  Ummmmmmm?