Bedtime
Uncovering Baby’s Nighttime Spinning Secrets
So how is it that a baby who can’t crawl and has her legs secured is ripping around the crib in circles at night? It’s no secret that Maddie’s parents are baffled by this cosmic mystery.
What seemed like a normal Saturday morning this weekend turned upside down when Maddie’s parents arrived at the baby’s crib. That’s because they discovered that Maddie was upside down. Well sort of. Somehow during the night, Maddie had spun around a full 180 degrees.
There she was smiling and gurgling in her crib, despite the fact that it appeared as if someone had crept in during the middle of the night, picked Maddie up and turned her around.
The next night, we could actually hear Maddie on the move. I took a careful look into the crib and saw that she had gently wedged herself across the width of the crib. Her headband was butted up against the side of the crib, which was making a scratching noise. I picked her up and moved back to the bottom the mattress.
However, the next morning, the baby had accomplished her 180-degree spin maneuver for the second night in a row. What makes this even more impressive is the fact that she is doing this inside her sleep sack. So my little human whirlybird is accomplishing these feats of strength without the use of her legs.
So what’s deal? Is she just trying things out? Attempting an escape? Moving your entire torso around the crib while your legs are stuck in a full-body sleeping bag seems like a great deal of work.
These nocturnal exercise routines don’t seem to be impacting her sleep. She’s been in a great mood and besides the obvious confusion that she is causing for her parents, there doesn’t appear to be any ill effects.
We have some concerns about the wedging issue, but we fully expect her to complain if she runs into a problem. She is a very vocal young lady who is always ready to voice concerns at the drop of a hat.
Baby Endures Disastrous Valentine’s Day
If you can’t help your wonderful baby girl enjoy her first Valentine’s Day, at least make it memorable.
We have one hard and fast, yet simple rule when it comes to our 6-month-old daughter Maddie – Her waking hours are not to surpass the three-hour mark. You can flirt with the mark, but violate it at your own peril.
I’m not sure how often I need a refresher course on this one, but Maddie laid down the law on me once again tonight.
Our day got off to a rough start because it appears that peaches DO NOT agree with the baby’s digestive track. Her first taste of peaces came around 8 this morning. It will likely be the last taste for months, if not years to come.
Her tummy was all out of whack and under siege from gas attacks all morning. This made any decent naptime very hard to come by. By 2pm, she had only three half hour naps under her belt and if it those numbers stood up, it would be our shortest nap period on record.
After a couple unsuccessful attempts at putting her down for a nap, I noticed that her tummy must be much feeling better. That energy and smile came back and I was overwhelmed by illusions of grandeur. Fantasies of a harmonious and quiet Valentine’s Day bedtime process brought a warm glow to my heart.
As we approached 5pm, I decided to check the diaper and commence bedtime procedures. When I got to the diaper, without going into any gory details, I saw that the evil peaches had been expunged. I got busy changing the diaper when a dark cloud enshrouded the room.
Maddie’s mood was deteriorating and it was time for me to step up the pace. By the time I was done with the diaper, the baby was melting down and I was not prepared.
BUT? How could? What had happened was?
Now I was far out at sea with the shore miles away – I thrashed about and tried to soothe the baby, but it was too late. She had been up too long and I had no answers as to how to help her.
I tried to regroup and let her stew in the crib for a few minutes. That foolish action was met with brutal resistance. Now I have a desperate baby in my arms and there’s nothing to do but cling to the buoy and wait for the storm to pass. The tantrum has settled down all around you and it could have been avoided.
It’s always interesting to be struck with the harsh reality that you have no idea what you are doing. Whatever instincts or intelligence you gather along the way is completely washed away during moments like these. I wish Maddie had spent more time with the selection committee so she could have found a father who had at least half of a clue.
Maddie Undertakes Solo Nap Adventures
I guess it had to happen sooner or later. For the past month, Maddie has been taking all of her daytime naps snuggled tightly in my arms. Today we made the parenting decision that this practice was no longer viable and the baby was to begin napping on her own.
This is a radical shift for all parties involved, but apparently babies are supposed to sleep in the same place as much as possible. Maddie looked at me like I was crazy when I put her in the crib for the morning nap. I would like to tell you she took it well, but that was definitely not the case. No matter what we tried, she was more than happy to share her displeasure with all of those within earshot.
I also would be remiss to downplay the fact that this new sleep policy is just as tough on me. It was very hard to put Maddie down in the crib and have her wonder why the heck I wasn’t picking her right back up. I suppose there will be some sort of adjustment period and everything will go back to butterscotch and ponies soon enough. But for now, let’s just say we are not quite there yet.
As for Maddie, her early morning nap was basically cancelled due to lack of interest. No matter how tired she was, the baby flatly refused to go to sleep at all. However, time must heal all wounds, because her next sleep endeavor fared much better. This time her mom put her down and Maddie slept for more than two hours. For the most part, this was Maddie’s only true nap of the day, but it was certainly better than nothing.
Once Maddie woke up from her nap, we headed outside for a little fresh air to clear our heads. Despite the fact that it was significantly colder than it was yesterday, it took Maddie less than 20 minutes to pass out and go limp in the Bjorn. Upon discovering that the baby was asleep, it was time to hustle home to see if we could stretch it out. Of course the second we walked in the door, Maddie was awake again and ready to combat any further attempts at sleep.
Obviously today could have been much worse, but we will have to wait and see how she fares this weekend with her newly revised sleep guidelines.
Maddie Gaming the System Like an Old Pro
After sleeping straight through three nights in a row, Maddie had led her parents into uncharted territory. Maddie’s mom had a 5am flight out of Newark and was hoping for another good night’s sleep. However, the baby flipped the schedule right around 10:30pm.
She was sounding off and making it clear that taking sleep for granted is always a fruitless proposition. Maddie knows from personal experience that during the nighttime hours, sleeping in her crib is mandatory.
The only exception is when her Mom has to get up very early the next morning. DING-DING-DING! I have still yet to discover how Maddie knew that this was one of those evenings. I even had the house swept for listening devices, but nothing turned up.
As you might have guessed, when Maddie went off the rails, I had to hustle her upstairs so that her mom could get some sleep. Once we were upstairs, all the commotion suddenly died down. I knew my little girl was gaming me.
She was thinking, does he have the guts to take me back downstairs? Is he ready to take a shot at the title? I knew it was a setup – you could smell it a mile away. But I had to try. At this point, Maddie was snuggled in deeply sleeping in my arms, no chance that she might wake up. But with this little girl, there’s always the chance that she’s playing possum.
I made it down to the sixth step with her when I must have hit a trip wire, because I triggered Maddie’s sonic scream alarm. She was crying and howling like a wounded cat. I scampered back upstairs and it was like I threw a switch. All sins were forgiven and forgotten. Maddie was safe and warm in her father’s arms and that evil crib might as well have been set up in Kinshasa.
So yes, I folded – the baby spent the night sleeping on me. But the joke is really on her. Sleeping on me might not be good for household discipline and I may be exhausted the next morning, but watching her sleep will always be one of my favorite activities. Besides, Maddie figured out that her father was an easy mark a long time ago.
Grandparents Take Off in Rocket Rig to Escape Maddie’s Wrath
Maddie’s grandparents were ready to get out of Dodge this morning after the baby serenaded them with mournful cries deep into night and beyond. You could see the vapor trail from space as Maddie’s grandparents high-tailed it out of New Jersey bright and early this morning. Their rig disappeared into a huge plume of smoke before the baby had a chance to react.
During the night, Maddie struck early and often. This was an effort to properly demonstrate to her parents how difficult it was to sleep with her new headband on. Every hour or so, the tiny town crier let the household have it with both barrels. The windows shook, dishes tumbled out of the cabinets and a few sonic booms were heard across the Hudson River each time my little girl let loose.
Rocking and humming the baby to sleep is still my most effective weapon, but it is now only working for the initial sleep startup sequence. Last night, I scored a 90-minute sleep session and two 60-minute short-but-sweet catnaps. Not nearly enough for Maddie and certainly a little tough on those trying to sleep in our humble abode.
The craniologist (if there is such a thing) told us that there might be some nighttime backlash from the headband. (Do ya think?) The poor grandparents got a front row seat to Maddie’s madcap antics through out the night.
Anytime they tried to contemplate an escape, Maddie was onto them. Her constant demand for crib liberation banished any thoughts of making a clean getaway. So after a night of wild and debaucherous celebration, Maddie made sure to get up nice and early to share her love with all of those around her.
Her bleary eyed grandparents wished us well, packed the car and peeled out, ready to return to a more quiet and civilized existence.
Putting the Baby to Bed – Seven Times a Charm?
Maddie, my precocious 6-month-old daughter, decided that tonight was the night where she would exert her will over her father and the entire household. Her strategy was sound, stand your ground, stay awake and defy those parental bedtime guidelines.
Bedtime is rarely a problem in our household as long as Maddie gets a decent nap during the day. Sadly, that did not happen. Maddie’s DOC Headband is giving her some skin issues so we had to go back to the headband technician at 1:30 this afternoon. The timing could not have been worse. We missed out on Maddie’s primetime naptime and that set the stage for a nighttime battle of epic proportions.
At 7pm, Maddie and her father began our established nighttime rituals. Take a bath, put on the jammas, say goodnight to the house, kill the lights and drink one last bottle. Everything went off like clockwork, the baby was nearly sleeping in my lap as I gently laid her in the crib.
You would have thought I lowered her into a pit of alligators. She went wild, flailing and screaming and giving her dad a little bit of “HELLO DOLLY!” Fair enough, I lifted her out of that “Crib of Horrors,” and snuggled her into my arms where she was quickly falling asleep yet again. I lowered her back into the crib and again the invisible Gremlins shocked her awake.
Now my little angle is inconsolable and I know what she wants. Her every cry and whimper speaks loud and clear, “PaPa, why don’t you just snuggle me all night long and we’ll call it even.” Now don’t get me wrong, I normally let that sweet little girl nap on me when she wants to – but at night, she stays in the DANG crib!
So now father and daughter are stuck – locked in a battle of wills where only one person will get their way. I know, without question, that Maddie will sleep better in her crib, so I really have no choice. For her sake, I must prevail.
After two more failed attempts, I took my disgruntled bundle of love back out into the living room. She smiled longingly at her grandmother, begging to be released from her father’s evil grasp. I handed Maddie over to her grandma and the baby smiled at me triumphantly! But when MiMi tried to put Maddie down to sleep, once again all Hades broke loose!
I recovered Sweet Madeleine from MiMi and restarted the arduous process of putting my baby to bed. After 90 short little minutes and six failed attempts, the princess was finally sleeping in her crib. Free at last, Free at last!
Sleep Terrorist Takes Down Parents
College and professional sports coaches are often quoted as saying that nothing good ever comes from a phone call that wakes them up at 3am. The same can almost be said for parents who get woken up by tiny sleep terrorists like my 4-month-old daughter Maddie. OK – that’s not true at all, when I see that smiling little face, it really doesn’t matter what time it is, even though we have been stunned awake at 3am on back-to-back mornings.
The interesting thing is that the baby is waking up very happy. There’s no anger, she’s just impossibly wide awake for 3am. As parents, we take full responsibility for the baby’s recent sleep issues. We recently changed some of our sleep procedures for Maddie and obviously she has some objections she would like to voice. We recently moved the baby out of our room and into the crib in her own room. So far, she’s not a big fan of this shift and I have to admit that I really miss having her in the same room with us.
I have to admit that the lack of sleep has been a little bit debilitating and the baby’s temper tantrums during naptime are completely off the chart. She screamed (and I mean screamed) for ten full minutes every dang time I tried to put her down for a nap.
However, the process of building good sleep habits must press on and if Maddie is forced to take naps with her PaPa, he really couldn’t be happier!
Father Can’t Resist Daughter’s Magical Charm
Maddie has been schooling her father this week in the art of negotiation. These negotiating sessions have become part of our nightly culture when it’s time to put Maddie down to sleep.
We’ve had a few tussles, but I have enjoyed the upper hand in two respects. Number one is the fact that when it comes right down to it – the baby wants to go to sleep anyway. Number two is the excessive heat my body generates. As soon Maddie gets picked up, PaPa’s heat is already doing its part to induce drowsiness.
But last night, Maddie switched tactics and left PaPa at a distinct disadvantage. Just like we do every night, Maddie and I were doing a slow shuffle around our darkened house. I watch her very closely during this time, because those giant wide-awake eyes can turn on a dime and slam shut within seconds.
We were just completing our second lap when Maddie looked up at me with her biggest smile. Of course I was powerless, I smiled back, told her how much I loved her and was grinning like a jack-o’-lantern from ear to ear. I tried to shake it off, but I was in too deep. She gurgled a little bit and hit me with that same hypnotic smile. Again, I was putty – stuck in the moment of the gaze and those penetrating eyes.
OK – time to get serious, dig deep and let’s get that baby to sleep. But it didn’t take long to realize that as long as she was enjoying our stroll and giving me that perfect smile – we weren’t going anywhere for a while.
PaPa tried a few tricks of his own – he lightly blew on her – and she actually thought that was funny. Even stroking Maddie’s hair just added to her delight. We had been at it for more than ten minutes now – far past the usual time it takes to settle her down for the night, but I was loving every second of it. I wondered how long she could hold out when I noticed that she was already out cold.
I put her down for the night, but as I went into the other room, I caught myself smiling like a lottery winner with each step. My little girl is far too cute for her own good and it dawns on me every night that with her, we hit the jackpot!
Baby Strikes Down Standard Bedtime Proposal
It took Maddie all of about five minutes to turn down renewed calls for standard bedtime practices. After weeks of discussion, the parents passed the new sleep bill through the House and Senate, but after three tries at around 9pm, Maddie vetoed the measure once and for all and told both sides to look for a more reasonable solution.
The baby insisted that she would not fall victim bipartisan shenanigans and mindless infant sleep studies. Both parents created the measure based on studies suggesting that a firm routine needed to be established for baby’s bedtime.
Madeleine argued that these so-called studies were written by hacks – adults who don’t really remember what it was like to be a baby in the first place. She went on to dispute the findings and insisted that she would veto any sleep bill that came across her desk until she turns at least four months old.
The first attempt to put her down to sleep was initiated by her PaPa. He tried a light swaddle, some rocking and a gentle placement into the pack and play. This worked for all of about 20 minutes when Maddie woke up crying with some diaper issues.
Attempt number two: Maddie’s Mom walked around a bit and tried to soothe the baby before placing her in the crib. This time the baby lasted about three minutes. Legislators watched these events unfold with great interest and dubbed Maddie the “Sleep Killer.”
Attempt number three: PaPa brought the baby into the living room and patted her back to check for any excess gas. When Maddie produced a little burp – he thought he had cracked the sleep code for the night. He transported the baby back to her room and they rocked together in the glider. He felt the tension go out in Maddie’s neck and the sigh that hopefully signaled an end to this impasse. He shuffled her to the crib, brimming with confidence that this night session was finally over. One of the books had actually said to make sure that the baby was not completely asleep when you put her down. HAA, right! Hacks I tell ya!
Five minutes later, Maddie rejected the third and final sleep proposal. She cautioned lawmakers to rethink the sleep bill and see if they could go out and get a clue!
Every Day I’m Shuffling
It turns out that Gina and I have been using many similar tactics when it’s time to put the baby down at night. Together, we have perfected a new procedure to put the baby to sleep known as the every day I’m shuffling maneuver.
We both begin with a cool down session after the dinner feeding. A little bit of cuddling and soft words set the tone for a good night’s sleep for the baby. But then, depending on who is putting the baby to bed, Maddie will find herself if one of two scenarios.
- Step 1 – do not let your feet leave the ground.
- Step 2 – the pace of your movement must become unbearably slow.
- Step 3 – do not make any deliberate moves (going in a few circles is ok)
- Step 4 – patience is the key to a successful shuffle.
- Step 5 – once you complete the journey to the crib – KEEP SHUFFLIN’ (you are not done yet)
- Step 6 – Shuffle in place until you know the baby is ready for the put down.
- Step 7 – before you put the baby down, already have your exit strategy planned. Accidentally kicking the crib or moving a door can destroy a well-executed shuffle.
If you follow these careful steps – Maddie will sleep peacefully until the late-night dinner bell chimes in her stomach. A special thanks to Aunt Jacque and LMFAO for providing the clever catch phrase for this early evening activity!
- ← Previous
- 1
- 2
- 3
- Next →
Stay Home PaPa 