Baby Breaks Opens Bag of Tricks for Unlimited Mother’s Milk

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Baby pulls out all the stops to keep the milk flowing!

There’s actually a great deal of gamesmanship when it comes to breast-feeding. Babies expose their parents to a myriad of tricks and tribulations to keep the milk bar open well past closing time.

Our baby (the maestro) is so well versed in the Milk-Manipulation Manifesto, that we decided to brand and define some her more overt tactics as she wages the never-ending battle for unlimited mother’s milk.


Stevie Wonder:

A blind series of head maneuvering for mother’s milk. Little Stevie tries to find her food source without bothering to open her eyes. This leads to the Stevie Wonder head fakes swiveling back and forth while blindly trying to locate the milk bar. This tactic rarely meets with any real success.


False Start:

Baby is locked and loaded and seemingly ready to eat – but then inexplicably and spontaneously pops off – This is quite similar to the lineman who flattens the quarterback before the ball is snapped and then bitterly complains about the penalty.


Helen Keller:

This is when Little Helen breaks into a screaming feeding frenzy-induced tantrum accompanied by multiple kicks and flailing arms. If you notice a Helen Keller coming on – it’s best to put in a mouthpiece and crash helmet before things really heat up. Once she hits pay dirt however, the craziness is called off and all is right in the world yet again.


Sleeping on the Job:

The feeding is underway, but the baby is dead asleep at her post. She barely goes through the motions, but won’t allow the fact that she is sleeping to deter her from going for the gold. Any attempt to remove the subject from the bar results in vigorous, but short-lived attempts at additional feeding.


Gaming the System:

This is similar to sleeping on the job except for the fact that the baby is wide awake. She’s pretending to feed, but just going through the motions without taking on any milk. This is a direct attempt to mislead the coach so that the baby can stay in the game. The last thing she wants is to be pulled from the game to sit and sulk on the bench.


Buyer’s Remorse:

The customer feigns being satisfied after a feeding – but then quickly becomes distraught after realizing she really wasn’t full. Or was she? Even we can’t remember. If the milk bar isn’t opened again in short order, this could trigger a Helen Keller response and an angry call to the corporate office.

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