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Category Archives: Bedtime

Baby Pummels Parents for Last Night’s Bungled Bedtime

Posted on June 15, 2012 by stayhomepapa1

You just might think twice before putting me to bed late again

Maddie and I were playing strong well after her bedtime last night. It was just 15 minutes before eight pm and I knew we were playing with house money. Surely just one night of staying up late wouldn’t have any serious repercussions. I had the baby in bed at eight, just one measly little hour past her bedtime.

I went to bad that night with the satisfaction of a job well done. It never occurred to me that I was setting myself up for a beating the next day. However, as soon I got to the crib this morning, I could tell little Miss Sunshine was far out of sorts. OK, so she was a little bit snippy and a tad whiny, but surely that would pass – or would it?

It turns out that Maddie had a great deal to say about not getting enough sleep the night before. Every time it seemed like Maddie had turned the corner, she was bent out of shape again. She had some jovial stretches in there, but for the most part, it was a rough day at the baby office.

During mealtime, Maddie’s patience would dry up the second she did not get something she wanted. Even our outdoor time was a bit sketchy. Naps also helped for brief periods of time, but Maddie made today’s lesson very clear. Get me in bed at a decent hour or you will pay the piper!

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Posted in Anger Management, Baby, Bedtime, Child Development, Children, Family, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

No Good Way to Undress a Tiger

Posted on June 4, 2012 by stayhomepapa1

Why don’t you try to take off my hood?

Just moments after Maddie’s mom left for a business trip, things started to unravel for Stay Home PaPa. Before beginning our bedtime routine, I thought Maddie’s outfit seemed a little too fancy for feeding time.

We went back to the changing table to take care of what should have been a quick change. Within 20 seconds it became painfully obvious, “Houston, we have a problem.” I have no idea how her mother got this thing on the baby in the first place, but it was some type of Hannibal Lecter straight jacket that had NO intention of coming off.

And let me tell you, there are few things Maddie hates more than jerking around with difficult clothing. The longer we struggled, the more the baby’s frustration level edged towards the redline. C’mon, this isn’t my first ‘undress the baby’ rodeo, what was the ancient secret I was missing to undoing this Gordian Knot?

I obviously needed more room to maneuver. I scooped up Maddie and we went to the bed where we both would have some more room to work with. This only made things worse. Now Maddie was thrashing around like a Marlin on the hook and I was in grave danger of serious bodily injury. At this point, I was seriously considering gently ripping the back off of the garment for a nice clean removal.

Before taking this extreme measure, I decided to get a woman’s opinion. Maddie and I went downstairs to see if our neighbor Cynthia had any bright ideas for us. It turned out that getting this thing off was a two-person job.

We pried off that straight jacket, thanked Cynthia and headed upstairs for some dinner. Just as we got to the top of the stairs, Maddie ejected a stream of spit up that spackled a different neighbor’s door. “You can not be serious!” It took another trip to Cynthia’s door to get that mess cleaned up.

So Maddie’s mom is gone less than an hour and the baby and I are mired in some lost episode of the Three Stooges. This is shaping up to be a very exciting week!

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Baby Schools Grandfather on Evasion Tactics

Posted on May 7, 2012 by stayhomepapa1

Trust me, I’m on it!

You  can fool some babies some of the time – but you can’t fool Maddie. Maddie and I play a good deal of peek-a-boo and sneak up games with each other. This is due to the fact that Maddie was born observant and loves to catch people in the act of doing whatever it is that they do.

Because she is only 9-months-old, its very easy for people underestimate her heightened awareness level. Ninety percent of the time she’s like a hawk all hyped up on Mountain Dew ready for whatever life may throw her way. Last night, Maddie’s grandparents watched the baby for a few hours and got a front row seat to some of those mad skills.
 
Maddie’s grandfather had just rocked Maddie to sleep and lowered her into the crib. As soon as the baby made contact with the mattress, her eyes popped open. Making a radical split-second decision, her grandfather decided to hit the deck trying to hide from the baby.
 
So grandpa is hiding on the floor when he notices that Maddie has pulled herself to the edge of the crib and is staring at him with great curiosity. BUSTED! Then as if to drive the point home, Maddie decided to initiate a game of fetch with grandpa. She began firing her pacifier out of the crib so she could watch her grandfather pick it up and return it to her.
 
We’re not sure how long this exercise lasted, but we strongly suspect that Maddie was having the time of her life. We’re not sure what grandpa did for an encore, but Maddie assured us that it was worth the price of admission.

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Helping Baby Beat Back the Bedtime Blues

Posted on April 25, 2012 by stayhomepapa1

Can you please bore me to sleep?

Bedtime at night has always been an area where Maddie’s parents have found safe haven. Sure naptime has been an up and down proposition, but once the lights go out, Maddie is not far behind.
 
Tonight’s nighttime routine was in line with what we’ve been doing since the beginning of the year. Maddie gets a little food, some bath time and then a bottle sends her right into dreamland. However, Maddie’s GPS must have shorted out tonight because dreamland was apparently off line.
 
Maddie’s mom laid the baby into her crib and closed the door. But one look at the monitor and it was obvious that Maddie had other plans for the evening. She started swinging her legs up in the air from one side of the crib to the other. Each time her feet would land with a crash into her shuddering crib. There were no screams, cries or protests – just vigorous crib activity and a few giggles. What was that wild banana up to now?
 
Her mom tried to coax her back to sleep with some more bottle, but Maddie was all fired up with no place to go. Once she was back in her crib, she picked up right where she left off. She was engaged in some sort of ancient steel cage kick fighting match with an entity that only she could see.
 
She must have lost that fight, because once the physical activity stopped, she started crying. I knew that it was time for the one activity we share that literally bores her to tears. That’s right, it was time for dad to break out the Fuzzy Little Duck storybook.
 
I started reading with a dull and totally monotone voice that seemed to suck the energy out of the room. I droned on in flat and disinterested voice that quickly turned the tide on my little powerhouse. She gave me a bored long look, silently imploring me to stop the madness. But I was too bored to notice and Maddie was quickly losing steam. I finally put the duck book out of its misery and laid Maddie into her crib without protest.
 
So was this rocky bedtime a blip on the radar or a sign of things to come? Personally, I’m hoping this was nothing more than an isolated incident, but there are a whole stack of baby books just waiting for me to butcher and drain of any potential interest.

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Curse of the Late Afternoon Nap

Posted on March 20, 2012 by stayhomepapa1

I feel so refreshed, let's make it a late one!

Few things rip into a peaceful bedtime routine like the curse of the late afternoon/early evening nap. But what can do when that’s when the baby wants to nap? Apparently, not too much.

When Maddie snags a good nap in the morning or early afternoon, bedtime is a breeze. But if she is still napping around 4pm, undesirable nuggets can hit the fan with great velocity. There was a time when we foolishly believed that any nap the baby took was a good one. Maddie has been more than happy to dispel this misconception for us.

At 5pm this afternoon we could feel our anxiety mounting as Maddie slept like the angel she truly is. At this point we knew two things were in store for us.

  1. Once the baby woke up, she would be in a wonderful mood.
  2. Once it was time for bed, it would be time to pay the piper and deal with what we like to call the wild banana syndrome.

Both of these predictions soon came to pass. Maddie woke up sweet as sugar magnolias. She was fun, charming and bursting with love. We fed her pork and vegetables and she was the perfect little lady.

But once it was time for bed, a dark shadow crept over the house. That sweet disposition tuned sour and the angry bedtime antics began. First came the angry protests that quickly escalated into an-all out temper tantrum. The nerve of these idiot parents trying to put me to bed, do I look tired to you??

Letting Maddie work it out in the crib is never a big hit either. She expects full payment of these parental follies and wants it all up front. She also demonstrates great athletic prowess by flipping from one side of the crib to the other.

In the end, it just takes a little extra love and patience along with about 45 minutes of hanging out in close proximity to the crib. Eventually the queen burns herself out and is hopefully asleep for the night. All that’s left to do is go to bed early and hope tomorrow delivers an earlier naptime that doesn’t trigger another extended witching hour.

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Posted in Anger Management, Bedtime, Family, Napping, Parenting, Sleep Habits and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Daylight Savings Time Tramples Baby’s Schedule

Posted on March 13, 2012 by stayhomepapa1

Dali was really onto something here

I guess we can add Daylight Savings Time to the list of things that we mistakenly did not think would impact the baby. With Maddie’s final cranium appointment right smack in the middle of the afternoon, things were bound to be somewhat out of whack. But once we got home from the appointment, Maddie’s Dad made a severe miscalculation. This error in judgment would have far reaching negative implications for the remainder of the evening.

The miscalculation was simple enough. We got home at 4pm, which meant there was not enough time to put Maddie down for a nap before her bedtime. Had I thought it through just a little bit more, I would have taken into account that as far as Maddie was concerned, it was only 3pm. This misstep put Maddie and I on a collision course for some rough evening action of the ugly variety.

Earlier in the day on the way to Maddie’s appointment, she did take two separate naps in the car. But these naps were not long enough to cope with the ensuing sleep shortage. The only course of action was to feed her quickly and try to fend off the looming crisis.

I started Maddie off with an apricot mixture and the evening was coming together better than expected. But after about ten spoonfuls, fatigue and crankiness took over. Maddie began rubbing this apricot sauce into her both of her eyes. When I tried to dissuade her from this fruity path to blindness – she lost it. She went from the happy baby to the pea soup spitting Linda Blair in about five seconds.

So now we’re on the rocky path to an early, but angry bedtime. The rest of the feeding was a disaster. There was crying, pouting, spitting and using the remainder of her food as a new wave hair-care product.

Step two was a quickie bath that actually didn’t go too badly.

Step three was bedtime and the commotion began anew. There were heavy protests despite the fact that her father’s complaint department had shut down 30 minutes earlier.

The worst part of course is dealing with the fact that your poor decision-making caused the problem in the first place. But as usual, all you can do is learn from your mistakes before your daughter begins issuing a series of pink slips, reprimands and demerits.

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Grandparents Embrace Nighttime Babysitter Challenge

Posted on March 9, 2012 by stayhomepapa1

You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!

Sweet Madeleine is my amazing and mesmerizing seven and half month old daughter. About a week ago, Maddie’s parents ran into a scheduling conflict. Both of us had previous engagements right smack in the middle of the baby’s bedtime on the same night. So the answer was easy, one of us would have to skip our event.

But before taking that step – we pondered the pros and cons of bringing in a third party to put Maddie down to sleep. It was gut check time – Were we really ready to turn Maddie over to a family babysitter?

Our throats went dry as we pondered the possible outcomes.

  • What if the baby’s inner honey badger strikes?
  • What if Maddie became inconsolable?
  • What if she goes medieval on Ahmadinejad?

Silly stuff to be sure, but we never expected to even consider a move like this so early in the game. So I made the call to my Mom and asked her if she could entertain the princess for a couple of hours. My parents jumped at the offer, but I wondered if I was putting too much on them.

Maddie’s other grandmother, MiMi, has fought the good fight many times and successfully put the baby to bed. But in each case, we were staying with her or she was staying with us. This time we were calling in reinforcements during Maddie’s witching hour.

During a typical day, from about 5am to 4pm – Maddie is pretty peachy. She has her moments, but the girl is in a perpetual good mood. But once the day starts winding down, I like to use a saying I learned while living in the Deep South – She gets snakes in the head. Simple translation, my honey bunny morphs into the honey badger. The bottom lip replaces her smile, her laugh is drowned out by grunts of protest and a crying fit or two is not out of the question.

My parents showed up bright-eyed and busy-tailed just before 4pm. Things went swimmingly from the start and Maddie was more than happy to have an extended audience. So far, so good!

We all ate dinner together, but the time for me to leave was fast approaching. I could feel the doubt creeping in, but I didn’t want to get melodramatic. I gave Maddie a bath and set her up on my mom’s lap for a final bottle before bedtime. Maddie started a little bit of crying and fussiness and I could feel my will weakening. My mom assured me that all was well, but Maddie was eyeing me suspiciously.

I left the house peppered with guilt, only to find out later that my fears were unfounded. The evening was a great success as my wife arrived home to find a quiet and orderly house where Maddie was sleeping without a care in the world. Maddie’s grandparents made all the right moves and Maddie proved once again that she is AWESOME!

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Uncovering Baby’s Nighttime Spinning Secrets

Posted on February 27, 2012 by stayhomepapa1

A mystery deeper than a back hole

So how is it that a baby who can’t crawl and has her legs secured is ripping around the crib in circles at night? It’s no secret that Maddie’s parents are baffled by this cosmic mystery.

What seemed like a normal Saturday morning this weekend turned upside down when Maddie’s parents arrived at the baby’s crib. That’s because they discovered that Maddie was upside down. Well sort of. Somehow during the night, Maddie had spun around a full 180 degrees.

There she was smiling and gurgling in her crib, despite the fact that it appeared as if someone had crept in during the middle of the night, picked Maddie up and turned her around.

The next night, we could actually hear Maddie on the move. I took a careful look into the crib and saw that she had gently wedged herself across the width of the crib. Her headband was butted up against the side of the crib, which was making a scratching noise. I picked her up and moved back to the bottom the mattress.

However, the next morning, the baby had accomplished her 180-degree spin maneuver for the second night in a row. What makes this even more impressive is the fact that she is doing this inside her sleep sack. So my little human whirlybird is accomplishing these feats of strength without the use of her legs.

So what’s deal? Is she just trying things out? Attempting an escape? Moving your entire torso around the crib while your legs are stuck in a full-body sleeping bag seems like a great deal of work.

These nocturnal exercise routines don’t seem to be impacting her sleep. She’s been in a great mood and besides the obvious confusion that she is causing for her parents, there doesn’t appear to be any ill effects.

We have some concerns about the wedging issue, but we fully expect her to complain if she runs into a problem. She is a very vocal young lady who is always ready to voice concerns at the drop of a hat.

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Posted in Bedtime, Child Development, Crawling, Family, Parenting, Sleep Habits, Sleep Sack and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Baby Endures Disastrous Valentine’s Day

Posted on February 15, 2012 by stayhomepapa1

If you can’t help your wonderful baby girl enjoy her first Valentine’s Day, at least make it memorable.

We have one hard and fast, yet simple rule when it comes to our 6-month-old daughter Maddie – Her waking hours are not to surpass the three-hour mark. You can flirt with the mark, but violate it at your own peril.

I’m not sure how often I need a refresher course on this one, but Maddie laid down the law on me once again tonight.

Our day got off to a rough start because it appears that peaches DO NOT agree with the baby’s digestive track. Her first taste of peaces came around 8 this morning. It will likely be the last taste for months, if not years to come.

Her tummy was all out of whack and under siege from gas attacks all morning. This made any decent naptime very hard to come by. By 2pm, she had only three half hour naps under her belt and if it those numbers stood up, it would be our shortest nap period on record.

After a couple unsuccessful attempts at putting her down for a nap, I noticed that her tummy must be much feeling better. That energy and smile came back and I was overwhelmed by illusions of grandeur. Fantasies of a harmonious and quiet Valentine’s Day bedtime process brought a warm glow to my heart.

As we approached 5pm, I decided to check the diaper and commence bedtime procedures. When I got to the diaper, without going into any gory details, I saw that the evil peaches had been expunged. I got busy changing the diaper when a dark cloud enshrouded the room.

Maddie’s mood was deteriorating and it was time for me to step up the pace. By the time I was done with the diaper, the baby was melting down and I was not prepared.

BUT? How could? What had happened was?

Now I was far out at sea with the shore miles away – I thrashed about and tried to soothe the baby, but it was too late. She had been up too long and I had no answers as to how to help her.

I tried to regroup and let her stew in the crib for a few minutes. That foolish action was met with brutal resistance. Now I have a desperate baby in my arms and there’s nothing to do but cling to the buoy and wait for the storm to pass. The tantrum has settled down all around you and it could have been avoided.

It’s always interesting to be struck with the harsh reality that you have no idea what you are doing. Whatever instincts or intelligence you gather along the way is completely washed away during moments like these. I wish Maddie had spent more time with the selection committee so she could have found a father who had at least half of a clue.

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Posted in Anger Management, Bedtime, Family, Holidays, Parenting, real food and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Maddie Undertakes Solo Nap Adventures

Posted on February 4, 2012 by stayhomepapa1

Look into my eyes, you're feeling sleepy!

I guess it had to happen sooner or later. For the past month, Maddie has been taking all of her daytime naps snuggled tightly in my arms. Today we made the parenting decision that this practice was no longer viable and the baby was to begin napping on her own.

This is a radical shift for all parties involved, but apparently babies are supposed to sleep in the same place as much as possible. Maddie looked at me like I was crazy when I put her in the crib for the morning nap. I would like to tell you she took it well, but that was definitely not the case. No matter what we tried, she was more than happy to share her displeasure with all of those within earshot.

I also would be remiss to downplay the fact that this new sleep policy is just as tough on me. It was very hard to put Maddie down in the crib and have her wonder why the heck I wasn’t picking her right back up. I suppose there will be some sort of adjustment period and everything will go back to butterscotch and ponies soon enough. But for now, let’s just say we are not quite there yet.

As for Maddie, her early morning nap was basically cancelled due to lack of interest. No matter how tired she was, the baby flatly refused to go to sleep at all. However, time must heal all wounds, because her next sleep endeavor fared much better. This time her mom put her down and Maddie slept for more than two hours. For the most part, this was Maddie’s only true nap of the day, but it was certainly better than nothing.

Once Maddie woke up from her nap, we headed outside for a little fresh air to clear our heads. Despite the fact that it was significantly colder than it was yesterday, it took Maddie less than 20 minutes to pass out and go limp in the Bjorn. Upon discovering that the baby was asleep, it was time to hustle home to see if we could stretch it out. Of course the second we walked in the door, Maddie was awake again and ready to combat any further attempts at sleep.

Obviously today could have been much worse, but we will have to wait and see how she fares this weekend with her newly revised sleep guidelines.

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